Liberté de Pensée et D'Expression

In the Name of Love

2007-02-22T13:33:00.000-05:00

One of my friends has a sister who had a really horrible experience with an African man. Since my interests may lie with someone of the same or similar background, her advice to me was to "please be very careful". She did acknowledge that this advice was unsolicited and that she knows nothing about this person, but she felt compelled to share this with me out of concern.

All in all, I appreciate her concern and told her this, and that I understood that we all have (or had) perceptions about Africans, specifically the men, and everyone is entitled to his or her own view. Personally, I don't want to be judged based on what anyone thinks of Black Americans, especially the bad, and I don't want to do that to someone else. It's almost akin to the woman who continually chooses wrong man after wrong man, then all men become dogs. But does that make them all dogs? I would say not. Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at ourselves to see what's really going on.

I would be misrepresenting myself if I made it seem like I don't have prejudices, because I do. And some, to be quite honest, I hold fast to because in my opinion, they keep me safe. But, I am working on this.

My friend isn't a bad person, just very concerned for me. Her views are based on her own experiences and what she knows from African friends and her sister, and I won't take anything away from that. The only thing I don't like is feeling like whatever resentment she may have toward African men in totality is being projected on to me. She promptly let me know that even if I am wrong about this man and he breaks my heart, she'll still be there for me.

That made me angry, but email is email, and who knows the tone she intended (though I know her pretty well, and surmise that my first impression is the correct one). I responded to her in a kind way, but dammit if I didn't suppress my desire to express that anger---damn the non-confrontational me! I have got to work on that!!

Anyway, in the end, people are people---good, bad and otherwise---and while culture and sometimes race plays an intricate role in who we are, so does upbringing and taking responsibility for ourselves and who we choose to become involved with.

I would think that we all want to be taken for who we are as individuals...

Do you think broad-based views on race and culture cloud our perceptions of people or truly enlighten us?

The Lesson Cycle

2007-02-13T13:18:00.000-05:00

I am so bored right now….UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!

And out of this boredom, I checked my myspace page and what do I see but a “friend” request from someone I’d much rather keep in my past. I’m like, dude, I don’t even want to be your friend b/c we’re going to go through the same bs role play we did like what, SIX years ago?!?!

I thought I had emotional problems, but this guy takes the cake! LOL

But, you know, maybe I’m being harsh and judgmental b/c there is a possibility that things have changed. I feel obligated to “be nice” and accept the request, but that’s not what I want to do. What I DO want to do, though, is clear the air and get some things off my chest that have been there for a while where it concerns this person. I’m still angry with him (and myself) for reasons I don’t care to disclose, and I’m at Realization’s Doorstep…

…And I see that I just need to deal with my anger and angst toward this person so that I can move forward.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? If so, how’d you deal with it?

Change Is A Comin'

2007-02-09T20:36:00.000-05:00

Unintentionally I didn't get around to writing this year until late in January, but I decided to wait until the new month to actually post...as a way to take stock of the first month of the new year.

A couple posts ago I put up a message one of my friends had sent. Her words had gotten me to thinking about what my theme would be for this year, and FREEDOM came to me.

Even though I have the usual list of goals for the year, it came to me that my focus needed to be on becoming free---releasing myself from the things I may have been holding on to emotionally, financially, and mentally that are keeping me from growing and evolving into the person I am to become.

I realized that I have a lot of hurdles to overcome and so many things I'd love to accomplish, but something's hindering my progress.

I've talked about this before, but one of the major areas for me is finances. My long-term goal is to get out of credit card debt, and my target date is three years from now. Another of my friends is in the same boat, and we've gotten together to support and encourage each other to reach our major financial goals. So, when I make decisions, I will have taken the effect of such decision on this goal. When it comes down to it, I want to be a better steward of my resources, and am excited about seeing this materialize in my life.

What's funny is that once my friend and I really got to talking about this, not long after, situations presented themselves to me which would directly and consequently, have a negative impact on this goal. I was like, wow! I've only just decided to do this, and already stuff is coming my way. I must be on the right track, then!

Finances is only one aspect of my FreeDOME Ride, though. Overall, my theme is to become free of anything that is keeping me from going to the next level in my life.

I'm working to free my mind, my money, my soul, my creativity and whatever else is bound right now.

This is what 2007 is about for me...what about you?

The First

2007-02-05T16:55:00.000-05:00

IN THE NEWS:

I’ve been wanting to comment on this topic for some time, and am just getting around to it.

A sistah was on the news for having reportedly found a (cooked) mouse in her Chinese food. They zoomed in to do a close up of the alleged mouse, which I must add, was battered and friend and looked like a piece of chicken.

However, there were a couple things that would lead one to believe that this in fact was not a piece of chicken. The thin, but batter-fried tail would be one factor, and the other would be what looked like a foot. Additionally, I have to say that the shape was right on. My kitty got a mouse in our place like six months ago. It was a little baby, with it’s little thin tail.

I think you all can see like I saw where this is going.

At any rate, the “specimen” was sent to a lab and an incision was made into the “specimen”, only to reveal very small ribs…DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN…

The conclusion was that it was indeed a mouse, and the sistah is planning to sue to restaurant and whomever else.

I mean, how nasty is that?!??! And the next day after the broadcast, I still see people chillin’ up in the Chinese restaurant for their takeout orders. This isn’t to say that there is something wrong w/that, but is nobody else concerned? The person interviewed from the Chinese restaurant was adamant that it was not a mouse, and yet, here it was.

We all eat Chinese food, but I really, REALLY started to wonder about the how strict health officials enforce the citations they issue and whether they are even on top of these small restaurants. My next thought was that the Chinese ppl who own and run most of these spots could give too shits whether a mouse ended up in the batter and was cooked and served to a customer. You know why? Because it’s mainly Blacks who eat there, and they know we will continue to do so, regardless.

Maybe I’m generalizing and pulling accusations out of the air, but I don’t think what I just stated is far from the truth.

So, how was that #14 last night?

It is a HAPPY NEW YEAR

2007-02-01T17:21:00.000-05:00

Only a month in, and already I feel like it’s going to be a good year.

I had to take a bit of a hiatus to kick back and chill for a while. There were days that I wanted to write but didn’t have or make time, and other days that I didn’t have anything to say.

Well, this year, I want to be more consistent in my undertakings, so I’m planning to post at least three times a week. *shock and amusement* I know I’ve tried to post more in the past, and it hasn’t worked. I just wasn’t that into it, to be honest. But this year, I want to do things differently and take my outlet for expression a little more seriously. Big ups to everyone who has been holding things down. I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday and New Year.

Now that I’m done w/that little RE-intro, tomorrow w/b the first of my official posts for 2007.

It’s good to be back…

Message of REFLECTION

2006-12-21T19:55:00.000-05:00

I wanted to share the wishes and thoughts one of my dearest and closest friends sent that touched me...

***********************************************************

What's Up My People: CAN U BELIEVE '06 is almost out the door?!?!?!?! ...

I pray that the Holidays are full of loving hugs, good food, and hope for whatever you want to manifest in your life to be a reality or at least one less step away in the New Year.

I don't *really* do New Year's resolutions. I have certain themes for each year, not knowing the form they will take through the passing months. My theme is Divinely chosen because I listen as the year comes to an end and take a mental inventory of the months before.

This year I encourage you to do the same ... Just take a few moments in the next week or so and listen in your quiet time, or rather your alone time, be it driving in the car or even taking a shower.

I Divinely began this tradition in 2003. That year's theme was "transitions." I felt in my spirit that a huge event would happen in my life that would catapult me into an unexpected realm of *newness* and I would transition in a significant way. Sure enough events of that ENTIRE year symbolized grand transitions that changed my life forever in all respects, redifining my existence in magnificent ways.

So, I share this with you as a thought for a way to approach your new years, not just '07. Let '07 be the starting point. The key to this process is listening to that Divine voice inside of you and seeing how things will manifest. Of course, because life is what it is, the process isn't always warm and fuzzy. We are humans and within the *process* is a balance of good and bad [challenges] in order to blossom at the end. It ain't all rosy (0:

Enjoy your Holiday and the New Year ahead. Good luck in determining your theme for '07...

Love and hugs your way, always.

Sharing Some Holiday CHEER!

2006-12-21T14:38:00.000-05:00

One of my friends sent this to me, and I cracked up!

Watching this will definitely chase your winter/holiday blues away...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA

Sometimes It's Hard To Let Go

2006-12-19T22:22:00.000-05:00

Recently I decided to tell someone I had started dating that I no longer wanted to date him.

We hadn't been going out that long, so I figured that if I distanced myself that he'd "get the hint". Something happened that changed my mind about him, though my feelings had started to change a little while prior to this incident. But, I had chosen to stick around to see if maybe I wasn't giving him a fair shake or didn't have an open mind. Well, things had deteriorated, and I felt I just had to let this thing go.

He continued to live as if we were still going on as usual even though I no longer called (except to return a call of his with the intent of telling him it was over, which didn't end up happening) or made any attempt at contact. He sent an email recently that I decided to answer and say without saying explicitly that we were done. I guess he didn't catch the finality of what I wrote since he called that night. It was then that I just sucked up my anxiety about this situation, and told him that we could be friends, but that would be it.

I could tell that he was really hurt, but there wasn't anything that I could do about that. I didn't intend him to be hurt, but what could I do? So he sends me another email today expressing his hurt and other thoughts and feelings, and I can appreciate his need for closure and to express what he's thinking. But, something he wrote kind of rubbed me the wrong way (which is no surprise to me):

"I am very mature to not hold things against you because I am on an entire different level when it comes to being understanding."

Granted, this is just one sentence out of the entire message, but it just amazes me how he only now chooses to reflect back on how things were going between us and is just now making a connection between the deterioration and what recently transpired. As far as I'm concerned, there isn't anything for him to hold againtst me. And of course, I'd say that. Yes, I could have expressed what I felt initially about us, but I chose to wait, to see what would happen. I second-guessed and invalidated my feelings the first time, and I have to unlearn this behavior...definitely one of many lessons for me.

Communication is a challenge for me...period, especially when I'm upset or have to say uncomfortable or difficult things. Then it's hard for me to express myself. But I know that's something I have to find ways to work on and improve.

But this doesn't change the fact that I believe he lives in a world of delusion, his perception of reality clouded by his fantasies of what he wants to see. I haven't shown that in this post because 1) I don't want to go into detail, and 2) I know I'll come off like I'm bad mouthing him, and I don't want to do that. He is a nice guy...a good guy; just not the guy for me.

I'm not going to respond to his last email because I don't have to explain or justify my decision.

He has to let go, and so do I.

LIFE Is Fluid As Life Is

2006-11-30T18:12:00.000-05:00

The other day I was in this mad dash to leave work exactly on time to head home. What I didn’t realize was that I would be in the midst of the evening rush and it would be as bad as it was at that time. So to counteract that, I’m going to stay a bit longer and post.

I probably have like five posts in me that I haven’t made, but hadn’t felt inclined to make over the past few weeks. Sometimes it’s just like that. I didn’t feel like being bothered. But today, I feel inspired, and will try to keep this to a couple “subjects” and save the rest for other posts.

HOMECOMING: Oct. 26 – 29th

I was in Atlanta to celebrate my line’s anniversary, and that was pretty nice. I saw ppl that I haven’t seen since we’d graduated, and got to spend time with the usual suspects…my best friends. The weather was cool, but bearable, and I really enjoyed myself. Although this was my first homecoming since graduation, it wasn’t my first back in HOTlanta. But, it felt a little different this time. I still don’t know why this happened, but I felt and overwhelming yearning to stay. A small part of me could have quit my job–over the phone–and went on about my business, like nothing. Only a small part, though. But, I felt strongly like I did not want to come back, though. And this totally caught me off-guard.

MY BIRTHDAY: Nov. 5th

Since I entered a new era and decade in my life, my birthday plans have never been without some sort of drama or mayhem. As hard as I have tried, something has ALWAYS gone wrong, tried to go wrong, or just wouldn’t be anything but wrong. And honestly, I am coming to accept that in hopes that the next decade will be smooth sailing for me. Potentially, my special night started out w/all kinds of challenges that I’m not gonna go into–but those who know, know–and the old me would have just let that get the best of me. So even though things didn’t turn out as I had envisioned (and a portion of that was my own fault), it turned out to be a wonderful night shared with dear friends.

THE HOLIDAYS: Thanksgiving and Christmas

There really isn’t much to tell about Thanksgiving. I hung out nearly every night of the break (from Wednesday to Saturday), even though I was knda under the weather. I decided to tough it out and take care of myself (and let someone else take care of me, too), and I gradually felt better. I’m glad that I did this.

I’m in the process of creating my Christmas list for ‘06. My heart is generous and I want to get everyone I care about something, but as many also know, the heart is willing, but the pocketbook might not be able. But, in my desire to keep with the spirit of giving, I am prioritizing my list and will probably spread gifts out over 3 months. I wasn’t about to go out and get caught up in the Black Friday frenzy and have to hurt somebody b/c ppl want to act like animals in the stores. I’m going to do this at my leisure, and take advantage of any AFTER Christmas sales that I can. One of the things I’d wanted to do more of this year was give, especially to people I care about.

ELECTION Day

2006-11-07T16:56:00.000-05:00

I am really tired today.

This isn’t anything new…but it is how I’m feeling.

I could leave work early to go vote, yet I have no desire to vote. The candidates all seem so fake to me, and I realize that all the scandals, embezzlements, lies and misbehaving of persons in public office have left me pretty jaded.

Certainly, I don’t know any of these people personally, don’t know what they’re like or whether or not they live the values they purport to bring in to office if the constituents vote for them, but c’mon…INTEGRITY is really hard to come by these days.

My attitude could also be affected by the fact that I am exhausted—physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually—and worn out, period.

THAT is a whole other story…

Celebrating ME!

2006-11-03T18:08:00.000-05:00

I celebrate my birthday on Sunday, and thinking about this takes me back to where I was a year ago…my how things have changed in 12 months, and how some things have remained the same.

True, I have done things this past year that I am not at all pleased with, but I am actually proud of some of them and I feel good about that. This is rare for me. I am not usually one to congratulate or celebrate myself, but when I see for myself (because I am looking) just how far I have come, I’m genuinely elated and grateful.

Only by God’s grace…

Some moments I didn’t think I would make it through or get past, but here I am, still standing. Shit may have knocked me on my tail…for more than a minute…but, here I am…standing. I even did some things I didn't think I would ever be able to do, but I did them. (positive things)

Only by God’s grace…

Yeah, I’ve come a loooooooonnng way, and still have a ways to go, but this is life. I’m looking forward to a couple ventures I have planned ahead, and am really excited about a few goals I have in sight. My list is usually mad long, but now I’m focusing on the top three.

Everything else will fall into place…

Selective, But Not Censored

2006-09-29T20:40:00.000-04:00

In my writing I've found that I censor my thoughts consciously and unconsciously, and I often feel that my true voice is never really heard. And I'm not altogether certain that I even know what it sounds like.

So in honor of recognizing this need, and my desire to speak my inner truth, I decided to blog somewhat frankly for a month. The intent was to begin Sept. 1st, but seeing as September is like, oh, a day and change from being finished, October will have to do!

Here's a little sumthin' sumthin' I wrote in a "moment":

I have no idea why I am such a fcking procrastinator. It takes me FOREVER to do something, even if it's something I really want to have, or want to do, and I always, nearly always wait until the last minute to do sht. I want 2 b successful & I want more out of life, but somehow, I think this flaw/character weakness of mine is holding me back from really being all that I can.

Listening To Spirit

2006-08-31T15:33:00.000-04:00

I sometimes have a love-hate relationship with old adages, but time and time again this wisdom continues to ring true:

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

To believe that all the things that happen to us in life, no matter how senseless and horrific or beautiful and uplifting, is to believe that they are not coincidental. The key to surviving or relishing the moments, events, and even catastrophies in our lives is to recognize that in everything there is a lesson, and make it our duty to excavate it.

Life is going to happen to us; people are going to come into our lives…always for a reason…sometimes with ppl it's for a season, other times for a lifetime. As I give considerable thought to the people I’ve met, become acquainted with or experienced on some level, each person has, in some way, made a meaningful contribution to my life. There have been times when it just doesn’t seem that way at all. But then I have to take a step back, maneuver out of the emotions I may have been entangled with, and dig for the valuables that lie beneath the surface.

These are the jewels, the minerals, the resources that I can use to shape me into a better person...if I allow them to be catalysts for change that will produce greater attributes and qualities in me as I journey through life. And if I look at things in this light, it's a little easier to discard whatever negativity I might have held on to, while humbling me with gratitude.

I desire to be more open to this truth and to listen more intently to the Spirit as it moves to gently guide me...to follow its quiet insistence rather than resist it.

I Apologize

2006-08-20T15:23:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I say things that I think ppl may find offensive in some way; most of the time, though I worry that I have. I am truly amazed at how some ppl can say whatever it is they want, however they choose to say it, with no kind of remorse, no apologies. Yet, I find myself struggling with guilt and regret that I've said something that will come off in a way I didn't intend.

I know that no one is perfect, but I still can't seem to not feel this way.

Besides the ppl who could really give a fck how they say what they say and the things they say, there are those who say harsh or insensitive things without realizing it. But isn't true expression a glimpse into how someone sees something or someone? Or even themselves? Then there are those who censor everything and are super conscientious about always saying the "right" thing, and never seem to be offensive in any way...always sensitive to everyone. Yet, even with that, they somehow seem inauthentic and unreachable.

So I guess what I want to find is some sort of balance.

I don't want to so often feel regret at not being what I think others think is PC, so to speak. Nobody else is perfect, and neither am I. Yet, I want to feel confident in saying what I feel is genuine and true to me without offending or hurting anyone else or regretting something I've said. I want to be sensitive to other ppl's feelings without being ruled by or obsessed with how a person will view what I say. No one can please everyone (including oneself) in every way, all the time; it's impossible.

But isn't everyone's feelings and interpretations his and her own responsibility? Also his or her sole responsibility?

Still, I feel like we share in the responsibility to take care of and be respectful of each other...

Should there be no apologies for one's personal truth??

Gone For So Long

2006-08-16T22:56:00.000-04:00

Things have been so hectic and crazy for the past couple months. I spent so much time and energy preparing for the cruise, and since the cruise, it's been me and my friend's event. Constant going going going, running here and there, and all the preparation for the things I had to do has had me wound tight and worn out.

No real time to blog or do much of anything else for that matter. Also, hadn't felt much like blogging...

Slowly, life is settling down, and I'm finding my groove and my flow again. My body, mind and spirit can renew, and that's what I want to focus on.

I had a lot of stuff going on even outside of the major happenings I had to plan for, but now, I can refocus, regroup, and reestablish what I'd started before and follow through on the goals I'd set for this year.

It's time to work on, do and be ME.

Butterflies

2006-06-21T15:02:00.000-04:00

Ok, I lied.

I know I wrote in the last post that I would pub the stories I had before I left for vacation... Well, I leave in two days, so clearly I was fooling myself. I just don’t have time. My best friend and her family and I are setting sail for the Western Caribbean this weekend, and as much as I love posting, it’s just not gonna happen. LOL

The plan is to have plenty of pics and lots of funny and hopefully interesting stories to tell. My girl’s fam is a riot, as is she, so I know it’s gonna be a blast. She called me this morning, now I’m in such a state of anticipation, it’s crazy. My stomach is doing flip-flops. and I kinda feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin! That’s how amped I am!

Mr. K and I haven’t been apart this long, and I know I’m going to miss him like crazy; I do a little already, and I haven’t even gone yet!! But, it’s all good. It’s been four years since my last REAL vacation (where I had to use a passport!), and I am LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG overdue!! A sista needs this kind of getaway to really get away for a little while, experience a serious change of scenery (and what could be better than the Caribbean????!!?!?!) and really relax, recharge my batteries, and gain greater perspective in my life.

Because when I get back, it will be time to clean house...literally, lol!

So shout outs in the blogosphere, well wishes to all in blogworld, blogville, blogcity, blogtown, and much love to the peeps at blog high.

See ya when I see yuuuuuuhhhhhhh!!!

Brush With The Law

2006-06-18T06:23:00.000-04:00

Hmmm…where do I begin?

Since I am already up (at the butt-ass crack of dawn), I figured I might as well pull my little blog offerings together and get around to posting some stuff. This spring---the last 4 weeks of it in particular---have been quite hectic. Between visiting with one out of town college friend and hosting another, I have been on the go here, there, and damn near seems like everywhere.

While I have definitely enjoyed the visits and so forth, it has been quite tiring, and that was evidenced by the fact that I unintentionally fell asleep on my friend who was staying with me one night while she was here after saying I was going to take a quick nap then we’d go out. Yeah. I made up for it, of course, but yo, a sista was simply wiped out!

Needless to say, things have calmed down a bit, but are still on the move b/c I’ll be on a cruise the last week of this month w/my best friend and her family, and there is still much preparation to be done. So, I am in the process of running around doing that.

So let me tell you why I’m up so damn early…

There is some kind of event going on in the park behind my building, and signs have been up since like, Friday, maybe Thursday even, to let people know not to park on specific streets today.

Well, Mr. K had a play date with a friend of mine’s felines and so we did that on Friday. Usually, when I see those signs, I go ahead and park accordingly just so I don’t have to deal with moving the car again. But since I had Mr. K w/me and he’s quite heavy to schlep about in that carrier, I decided to park close so we wouldn’t have far to go.

That was Friday. Saturday is hustling and bustling around my neighborhood anyway, considering that it’s a really nice day out and folks are having their bbq’s and are all over the place, hanging out chilling or driving around. I had my own laundry list of things to do (including the laundry, which I am VERY proud to say I washed 99 percent of everything I’d planned to…woo hoo!), but didn’t make my way out of the apt until like 5 o’clock.

By the time I got home, it was about 8:30 pm, going on 9 o’clock, and I was hungry and exhausted and had bags. So instead of moving my car, like I normally would have, I headed home, grabbed a bite to eat, watched a movie and made a couple phone calls. Needless to say, I’d forgotten all about the signs as I fell into what has been my usual, as of late, food-drunken state and was out like a light at that point.

I woke up around 3:30 am or so to put on pj’s and get back in the bed. Mr. K was up playing around, and took what felt like a small chunk of flesh out of my knee. I was not such a happy camper at that point, I might add. After I readjusted and got settled in, I was snapped to reality with the realization that I still hadn’t moved the car. By this time, it’s 4:30 am, and I decide to make my way out to handle my business once it’s lighter out. I rationalized against 7 am b/c for whatever reason it just seemed too late to me, and settled on 6 am.

I was out of bed at like, 5:30, just starting to throw on some clothes when the buzzer rang. At first I didn’t believe it was for our apt, but it continued to ring, building up in length and intensity. It’s 5:30 in the fucking morning, and I’m like, who the FUCK is ringing our bell this early?????!!!!

Nearly stepping on and tripping over Mr. K to get to the intercom, clearly agitated didn’t even begin to describe how I felt at that point. There have been a few instances when our buzzer would ring for bullshit reasons, sometimes at odd hours. Occasionally, it’s an error on someone’s part, but the latest and greatest incident was some dude trying to get into our building on what was obviously some lie. He didn’t speak to me, but was telling his bullshit story to a guy who, I guess lives in the building, who made it clear that he should move on. The guy was saying some stuff about trying to see his relatives, but they were sleeping. And this was at 1 o’clock in the morning!

So, half asleep still and fueled by the subconscious agitation and frustration of such events, I yelled Who is it into the intercom. No response. (Side note: our intercom has been acting a little crazy lately, and it has been difficult to hear people and to be heard, etc.) The fuck? Now, I’m really heated. And I yell louder this time. The answer really surprised me.

It was the police.

At that point I only tapped the buzzer to the door, and headed back to my room to finish getting dressed. I was going to head down this bitch and see for myself if the cops were really here. Dude sounded official, but in this day and age, can you really tell?

Mr. Policeman is still ringing the buzzer, not as loudly or as long this time, but still frequently. I grab my keys, my phone and two of my hair tie thingys and head out of the door, steaming as I went. But even as I gathered my things, and was feeling all big, bad and bothered, my heart raced and pounded in my chest and my hands were shaking.

Now, if I were my neighbor and heard all this commotion, I would so have been peering out of my peep hole to see what the hell was going on and who it was going on with at this point, lol!

Well, the cops heard me coming down the stairs (oh, and fortunately, I still had my contacts in---that’s another story), and were inside the building by this time. My heart was still doing the 100 meter dash and the long jump in back of my ribs, but the outside of me was a mixture of sleepiness and agitation with an unwashed face, unbrushed teeth and wild ass disheveled hair and rockin a Che Guevara t-shirt to boot.

Damn, that girl looks fierce!!!

As I made my way down the steps, Asian Cop said we were letting you know that you need to move your car before it gets towed, and I replied that that was what I was on my way to do. Hispanic Cop stood by the door.

Since my family did raise me right for the most part, I apologized for yelling into the intercom. Asian Cop said he figured I had trouble hearing him through the speaker. And yes, part of this was true. But I said, yeah, well, anyone can say they are the police. (Tone and voice adding and I ain’t just letting no motherfucka up in here!) He responded with, True.

So, we all headed out and I proceed to make my way to the car, which was about a short block away. Well, wouldn’t you know AC and HC pull up next to me in this big ass police paddy wagon and ask me if I want a ride to my car. I gave AC a look like, seriously, in that? Making a joke, I said are you sure that’s where you’re going to take me, and AC looked like he didn’t appreciate my humor. I did, though, and chuckled slightly to myself. I got in and said thanks.

They were obviously official and were pretty neutral in our dealing so far. With no reason to fear them or to continue to be suspicious, I hopped in. (I know, right! After all that.) I asked them if they let everyone know that their car’s about to be towed in situations like this, and I believe the answer was affirmative.

As rounded the corner on the west side of the park, I saw my baby looking so lonely all by herself, and I was glad to be getting out of NYPD Towing’s way. I had feared in my sleep that it would be towed, and that’s why I was actually up before the cops showed up. I think it was a warning to me, though, b/c I had had a dream about it.

I thanked Officers Hispanic and Asian again before exiting the vehicle, and was met with a gentle you have a good day, to which I responded with, ya’ll too, and got the fuck up outta there.

On my way back to the crib, I replayed the situation over and over in my mind. My suspicion of the NYPD amongst other factors really caused me to behave in a bit of a belligerent manner. I have only had a couple incidents with the police since I’ve lived in NYS, and was not at all pleased with how one cop out of a group of them behaved during a domestic dispute that I was not a part of, but was present in the home at the time of. He was talking to me like I was the one who fucking threw the chick down the stairs, and I didn’t appreciate it at all. That’s that good cop-bad cop bullshit.

In remembering that encounter, I was glad that they were men of color. Things might have actually been different had they been white. My attitude was quite stank and I made my distrust known from the get go, but they appeared to be neutral to that. Appeared to be. And I wondered if they were making mental notes and shit, especially now that they know the person attached to the license plate and where I live. I wondered if they thought I might be trouble at some point, and it would be best to remember who I am.

The more I thought about it, I thought that maybe with all that police interrogation and inference shit they learn that they quickly sized me up as harmless…as one who would rather avoid trouble than cause it, and who through and through was a law-abiding citizen.

And maybe in this situation, it would be the latter, but as we all know how crazy people are in NYC, if the scenario were different somehow, I might not be viewed that way. Some people raise their kids to respect the police, that cops are their friends and should be trusted. My parents even taught me that in a way. But then you see on the news how some of them are out shooting black men left and right with what appears to be little reason, how folks are violating women by impersonating them (and other officials), and you hear stories of how they arrest innocent bystanders on practically no cause and hold them for two days (happened to someone I know). And then there are times when they’ve been needed and were nowhere to be found. Who wouldn’t be suspicious and mistrustful???

Well, now that I’m back in the sanctity of my home, it just dawned on me that my roommate’s (and guest---another story for another day) must be wondering what the hell all the commotion was about and are curious to know what was going on. I don’t believe any of them EVER heard me sound like that, and then just head out the way I did. A zillion different things are probably running through their minds; I know mine would were I a witness to the situation.

Anyway…

I have a couple posts to make that I didn’t get a chance to put up before this one, but am going to date it accordingly. I also have a few stories to tell that I hadn’t had a chance to write out, but I will get to that before I leave for vaca.

I hope all is well out in blogworld!

Too Close To Home

2006-05-31T23:38:00.000-04:00

I don't know if this has made the news, but there was a pretty bad fire in the apt bldg next to mine. My next door neighbor came and got me and I got my roommate, and we up on the roof. The smoke was unbelieveable, and fire sparking everywhere.

My roomie got some photos, and I'm posting them, though they don't do this incident any justice. I heard from another neighbor on the other side of our bldg who came in from outside and saw some people being taken out. Lord knows I hope they are ok.

Anyway, all this got me thinking about how precarious life can be sometimes. It was good to see NYC's bravest out in full force and acting so quickly, but I still worry b/c you never know and I have to do all I can to keep me and Mr. K safe. Hopefully everyone will take this as a reminder to be every bit as careful as you can be.

I try not to worry, but when stuff like this happens, sometimes you just can't help it. Like I told one of my neighbors, all you can really do is pray...

2006-05-26T00:57:00.000-04:00

I really should be asleep right now, but I am too hyped up.

One of my best friends from college gets in town 2morrow w/her husband for a wedding this weekend, and I cannot wait to see her! It's been almost a year since I visited her, and this time they are making the journey sans their two beautiful little boys.

We get to hang out like she's single again!!! LOL

Kel is one of the few people who actually gets me and our relationship knows no time or distance. It could be months since our last communique, but it's as if we spoke just last week. She's one of those friends who can just pick up where we left off last, and chat until we've caught up w/each other's lives.

Oh, she is sooo dear to me...and I can't wait to see her and spend time together...

C.R.E.A.M.

2006-05-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

http://waterandmetal.blogspot.com/2006/05/me-thoughts.html

"My Upbringing Is Not An Excuse...

2006-05-09T23:43:00.000-04:00

...it's an explanation..."

I had a really great conversations w/one of my girls tonight about life, love and family, and I surprised myself. In the course of our discussion, I finally was able to do something that has eluded for years---clearly and accurately articulate my feelings about how I was brought up while living with my aunt and uncle.

Coping with, let alone revealing, the traumas of my childhood has been extremely difficult for me. What a relief to discover and release some of the hurt I've held for such a long time was cathartic and refreshing...

...a wonderful gift that took me completely by surprise...

The way I was treated growing up will not be an excuse for bad decisions, but the answers I need to heal, change and grow.

Almost Mid-Year Check Up

2006-05-07T23:20:00.000-04:00

Usually each September finds me looking at my life and sighing a deep sigh, wondering how I should channel the energy I have and what things I should devote myself to.

Well, last September came and went sooner than I expected, and the new year rung in without my indepth assessment. But, I felt inside that somehow 2006 would be different for me, and that this year would be a year of growth, healing and change. Before the year was over, I jotted down some things as they came to me...

...and here's what I came up with as of December 28, 2005:

Things I Need To Do
Create and stick to a budget & spend wisely
Stop being so lazy and procrastinating
Stay in better touch w/family & friends
Exercise/work out
Study French
Get and stay organized
Be less afraid of the truth
Discover my style
Write more (which is why I have a BLOG, lol!)
Take better care of myself
Speak up for myself
Stop allowing people to take advantage of or manipulate me
Try new things
Figure out my next steps re: my career
Take vitamins

Surprisingly, most of these things have or are coming together and materializing. A part of me wondered when I made this list whether or not I could accomplish what I was setting out to do, to make happen. Initially, it seemed so overwhelming and daunting, but as I put my laundry lists of goals to the back of my mind, it became easier to simply do.

Be like NIKE, and Just Do It.

I have to admit that I'm happy about what I've done so far this year, and am looking forward to how much further I can go. The beauty of it is that I've surprised myself and that pleases me. I still have a lot of work to do in various areas mentioned and some not mentioned here, but I feel so much more confident that I can actually accomplish what I set my mind to.

As I go along, I'm gradually fleshing out each goal and really examining what I want to achieve in each area, and I have to say that reaching 7 out of 15 goals isn't half bad. I'm usually pretty hard on myself and critical of everything I do, so I'm taking a moment to celebrate my milestone and give me a well-deserved pat on the back!

What's Your Take?

2006-04-26T12:20:00.000-04:00

"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..."

Hosea 4:6

You’ve probably heard this in church from pastors or from social activists or other such “liberated” or free-minded people. I know I have. And not just from these folks, but this as a phrase floating around, being bandied about as an idea, statement or prophecy. Others may know it by way of the phrase “Knowledge is Power” or “Knowledge is Key.”

Knowledge. According to dictionary.com, there are several types of knowledge including actual, constructive, personal and superior knowledge.

The main entry describes knowledge as a: awareness or understanding esp. of an act, a fact, or the truth or b: awareness that a fact or circumstance probably exists. And don’t overlook the “note” to this definition: “Knowledge fundamentally differs from intent in being grounded in awareness rather than purpose.”

Truly, knowledge by itself is not enough, but the lack of it destroys people. But is it better to have some than none? I would say yes and no. I believe that Hosea is referring to knowledge of God, but I can see superior knowledge, which is defined as 1: knowledge greater than that possessed by another; especially : awareness of a condition or fact that affects another who was not aware of it and 2 : the range of one's information, understanding, or expertise being a part of that "knowing" as well.

We all have varying opinions about the state of the black community and its ills and what we believe are both the underlying and blatant causes for our problems. Some think that it’s the “Man”, also known as the white man, holding us back. That he don’t want to give us no job and don’t want us to have nothing. That “he” is keeping us in the ghettos. Others disagree that we are holding ourselves back, that anything can be achieved through hard work, long study and perseverance; that we just need to stop being so lazy, get off our asses and do something (work hard, study long and persevere) about our circumstances.

Our issues and circumstances as a people are so complex and deeply embedded in our collective psyche that there can’t be just one answer or one solution for what we have experienced and what we currently face. What if everything everyone is saying is right? What if our problem is the sum of all these things, versus this thing OR that thing? Hmmm...what if...

Consistently we find ourselves behind the 8 ball, reacting to the things that happen to us. And in instances where we are proactive and ahead of the game, there is a roadblock which derails our progress and knocks us off track. Who wouldn’t be apathetic, discouraged and unmotivated after experiencing this time and time again? Some wouldn’t; they would keep pressing forward trying to get around the obstacles, but many would be completely immobilized.

This life is about more than simply living day to day, struggling to get by or about just having information alone. Superior knowledge is awareness of a condition or fact that affects another who was not aware of it. Seem familiar? Mmm...let’s see...Jim Crow, COINTELPRO, Trilateral Commission, the influx of crack cocaine, AIDS/HIV, etc., etc. And there are others. We don’t see shit coming until is up on us and we’re caught up in the midst of it, and this lack of knowledge is part of why this happens to us time and time again. Knowledge greater than that possessed by another...

I'm not finished with this, but I'll close with: It's time to get ahead of the game.

2006-04-23T18:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes when you reach out and expose yourself to someone to try to help them, you sometimes end up helping yourself. I believe this happened to me.

My plan was to visit my family for Easter, kick it with my best friend, and just enjoy myself. What I didn't know was that my cousins were in trouble, and that I would end up rallying my best friend and friends of hers to their rescue.

I am still processing everything that was shared over the weekend, and continuing to recover. The events were so overwhelming and (coupled with everything else that is going on inside of me) have brought me into a place where I feel more compelled than ever to take a deeper look into myself, who I am, and what it is I want to get out of life and to what I believe my contribution to the world should be.

At some point, I hope to be able to share...

Black Jesus Movie

2006-04-23T18:05:00.000-04:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Contact: Krystal Collazo
Phone: 786.417.3628
Email: Krystal.Collazo@nu-liteentertainment.biz
FIRST BLACK JESUS MOVIE AIMS TO UNITE BLACKS AND JEWS

LOS ANGELES-- April 13, 2006 -- “Color of the Cross,” an independent, biblically charged religious biopic, is based on the last 48 hours of Christ’s life and stands to be the most controversial depiction of Jesus to date. In this gripping, two-hour epic, Jesus is portrayed as a black Jew. This retelling of the biblical story from a black perspective seeks to repair the anti-Semitism that has been associated with the story of Christ.

The inclusion of Black Jews during Passover in the film makes a clear statement toward the shared history of African and the Middle Eastern cultures without being offensive. Unlike “Passion of the Christ,” “Color of the Cross” chose not to focus on the bloody torture of Christ’s crucifixion. Instead the film focuses on the human pain and suffering that Christ, the Disciples, and Christ’s family endured. “Color of the Cross” reaches across a cultural divide to inspire and challenge its viewers intellectually.

According to the film’s director, Jean Claude LaMarre, “To watch a black man on screen, being referred to as rabbi, or to see him partaking in a Seder meal and observing Passover really blurs the lines that divide blacks and Jews in this country. We are part of the same history.” “Color of the Cross” seeks to stimulate and awaken peace and unity between all races of people.

Recent programs such as the History Channel’s “Warriors of the Bible” clearly shows the diversity of cultures as they existed in the geographical region where the Bible stories occurred. And like many of the recent programs flooding the media such as the Book of Judas, Ron Howard’s “The Da Vinci Code,” etc, “Color of the Cross” also bases its story not just on scriptural interpretation but other historical data with many interpretations pointing to the fact that Christ very well may have been dark skinned.

The film will have a theatrical release in October 2006. Revealing clips and exclusive information can be found at: http://www.colorofthecross.com/

Note to the Editors- The film is a Nu-Lite Entertainment production, and producers are Rev. Cecil “Chip” Murray, Jessie Levostre, Kenneth Halsband, Executive Producers Lila Aviv, Paul Noe, Edy Lahens, Marc Porterfield, Michele Gonda and Co-producer Marcello Thedford.
###
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HASAN BROWN
3200 MARY STREET, SUITE 30
MIAMI FL, 33133

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http://www.goapele.com/
http://www.changeitall.org/

HAPPY EASTER!

2006-04-16T23:15:00.000-04:00

JESUS is the reason for the season...

Relationships 101

2006-04-10T13:25:00.000-04:00

I was watching the news this morning, and they had a segment about prenuptial agreements and how so many young couples have them as part of their marriage contract. They had some legal expert on saying how since the divorce rate is about 50% in America that couples should plan for it in the beginning. According to this guy, a prenuptial agreement takes the emotion out of an otherwise emotion-filled split. I guess it's supposed to make the break up less painful in a way.

Maybe I’m living in a fantasy land where I would hope that I’m only married once and it’s till death we do part, but isn’t it kind sad that people are anticipating a divorce before they even decide to get married??? It seems to me that if you approach marriage that way it would be more likely to fail. Why bother to put any effort into saving something that already has a plan in place to handle things quickly and easily should things not work out? (Let me just say that if either person is being abused or cheated on, that is enough cause to get the hell out of the marriage/relationship, etc!)

The other side of this it seems is that a lot of people are so much into celebrities’ lives that anything a famous person does tends to become a trend and is the fashionable “thing to do.” Some people try to live their lives this way, and I believe that a lot of what’s going on in our society is a reflection of the ideas people have gotten into their heads.

A friend of mine sent me this article and I thought I would share it. I’ve seen it before a really long time ago, but at this stage in my life, it rings so true and relevant for me. I know that not everyone wants to do what’s traditional or widely accepted as it relates to marriage and so forth, and I respect that. Everyone has to decide what they think is best for them. But I think that if maybe some folks would take the time to follow (or at least consider) some of the advice outlined here, there might be fewer divorces and less microwave marriages.

**************************
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love!" I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone." You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you'remarried for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving tobe good and do the right." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage...for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention.. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch,notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OFCOMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty and pain will replace.

DAMN, NNENNA!!

2006-03-30T17:59:00.000-05:00

Did ya’ll see that kiss???

Hey, I can’t hate on the girl. Who wouldn’t be tempted to sample what oh so gorgeous Vaugh had to offer? I feel bad for her boyfriend, though. My biggest concern is that we don’t have another “Shandi” on our hands. But, in my heart of hearts, I believe that Nnenna is stronger than that and will overcome this obstacle.

I was IMing my best friend throughout the show, and we were screamin’ and hollerin’ when Nnenna did her shoot. We’d seen the previews, but there was no denying how much chemistry Miss Chemist and Mr. Hot Model cooked up on the set. Clearly! They look together, though...

Too bad Gina just cracked under pressure. Jade definitely found her victim and went in for the kill. But as with any show and ratings, there is always at least one true antagonist, and Jade is that for me. I know, it’s a competition, yadda, yadda, yadda, but still. I understand that the industry is cutthroat and it’s every woman for herself, and really, this show is something of a microcosm of life in the fashion/modeling world...shoot, even life in general.

Play to win or get out of the game, as they say. But, at the end of the day, you’ve got to be able to look in the mirror and be okay inside about the way you played. The devil’s always looking for some souls to buy, know what I mean?

Furonda. I’m glad that there’s a nice array of women of color on the show, but there’s something about this woman that’s missing. It’s possible that she has some potential, but I think she needs a little extra “umph.” Danielle is straight rocking it, doing her thing. Gotta give her props. One of my other favorites is Brooke. I’d really like to see her rise more to the challenge and really put herself all out there. She’s so adorable, and could be a serious contender.

Till the next episode...

It's A Show For Teens, But There's Depth In It

2006-03-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

If having things turn out the way you wanted them to is the measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is, is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair---remember, it's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home.

So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe, you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where this life will take you.

The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination.

-"Whitey", One Tree Hill

HALF PAST Autumn

2006-03-14T19:03:00.000-05:00

If a picture can speak a thousand words, then just one of Gordon Parks' photographs spoke a legacy.

I found myself moved, stretched and filled with emotions that roiled inside of me unchecked. Witnessing the intensity of his work left me breathless. I couldn't help but be captured by the immense depravity in his pictures; the crippling effects of poverty, ignorance and racism on human life depicted in those faces continued to haunt me well after the screening was done.

GP's artful and poignant depiction of lives crippled and shattered by poverty and racism left me speechless. The pain, suffering and vulnerability of the individuals and families he photographed morphed into images of my own life in the rural South and the projects in a small southern city. It was so sad to see the families that were given money and bought new homes not be able to manage to fully rise above the strangling grip of their situation despite the "help" they received. GP summed it best when he said, "Sometimes it takes more than money." Indeed it does.

HPA was evocative, intensely emotional and powerful. This film left my emotions and my soul wretched and raw. So much so that I couldn't speak to anyone when it was over. I left, my eyes welling up as I choked back tears. When I finally made it to the ladies' room---which seemed to take a little more than forever---I broke down, sobbing silently.

I grieved for the people who had lost so much and gained so little; those whom our society rejects, scorns, ridicules and ignores. I mourned for those of us who haven't made the most of opportunities so many fought and died for by allowing them to just slip away. I wept for the ones who didn't live up to their full potential, and those, like his son, Gordon, Jr., whose time was cut short and their awesomeness glimpsed and not fully seen.

And I cried for me that I might do better and be more than I have been. That I will recognize and use my gifts and leave this world---as Mr. Parks had---more inspired.

Hip-Hop's Place in History

2006-03-07T16:00:00.000-05:00

One of my homegirls sent this article along and I thought I'd share...any thoughts?
**************************************************************
> WASHINGTON -- Evo Morales, the new president of
> Bolivia, has made those sweaters he wears so popular
> that I wouldn't be surprised to see a Phat Farm
> knock-off soon. Speaking of Phat Farm, Russell Simmons
> may have sold that hip-hop-inspired clothing line, but
> he could still look to Morales for other forms of inspiration. For
> instance, he could take heed of the Inca proverb that Morales has also
> introduced to a wider public: Ama shua, ama llulla, ama qella. Roughly
> translated, it means don't lie, don't steal and don't
> be lazy. I can't speak to Simmons' honesty or
> integrity, but his heavy-lidded comments at a New York
> news conference last month suggest that he's guilty of
> lazy thinking. Or maybe he was just sleepy.
>
> Simmons, who made his fortune as a founder of the
> hugely successful Def Jam record label, joined other
> rap music heavyweights to announce the Smithsonian Institution's plans
> for an extensive hip-hop exhibition. Several of the genre's pioneers,
> including Grandmaster Flash, Afrika Bambaataa and DJ Kool Herc,
> were on hand at a hotel in midtown Manhattan to
> introduce the project, "Hip-Hop Won't Stop: The Beat,
> the Rhymes, the Life."
>
> During his remarks, Simmons reportedly credited
> hip-hop as "the only real description of the suffering
> of our people."
>
> To borrow a phrase from Ida B. Wells, whose 1895 study
> of lynching, "A Red Record," remains one of the best descriptions of
> our suffering, "that is an expression without a thought."
>
> Let's set aside for a moment the woefully limited
> notion that African-American history is solely defined
> by suffering. Let's also dispose of the idea that
> hip-hop focuses exclusively on that suffering. The
> best of the genre's music also speaks eloquently about
> our resilience (in "Keep Ya Head Up" by Tupac Shakur,
> for example); our devastating wit (anything by De La
> Soul or OutKast); our romantic yearnings (Pharcyde's
> "Passin' Me By"); and our capacity for raucous
> celebration ("Rapper's Delight" by Sugarhill Gang).
> Hip-hop notes our trials and tribulations as well as
> any other art form, but does it provide the only real description?
> That's one heck of a lazy notion.
>
> Does anyone believe that those original 20 African
> captives brought to shore in 1619 didn't immediately
> begin to describe their condition and express their
> reactions to it, albeit in a foreign language? Not
> long after they arrived, their descendants mastered
> English and created the immortal Negro spirituals,
> famously described by W.E.B. DuBois as "sorrow songs."
> Their songs contained "bursts of wonderful melody,"
> DuBois wrote, "full of the voices of my brothers and
> sisters, full of the voices of the past."
>
> Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
>
> A long ways from home
>
> Couplets like that one perfectly describe -- in a
> single powerful metaphor, mind you -- the plight of
> early African-Americans. And that's to say nothing of
> the melody, which, unfortunately, I can't convey here.
>
> Spirituals led to blues, jazz and brilliant lyricists
> such as Andy Razaf, who worked with Fats Waller and,
> in 1929, summed up the African-American tradition
> thusly: "What did I do, to be so Black And Blue?" It's
> a small leap from there to more contemporary gems such
> as Sam Cooke's "A Change Is Gonna Come" (1964) and
> Marvin Gaye's "Inner City Blues" (1971). "The Message"
> by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five rightly
> belongs in this tradition, as do other hip-hop songs,
> but let us praise them as a worthy continuation of a
> long and righteous tradition, not as one-of-a-kind trailblazers. After
> all, barely a decade passed between Gaye's masterpiece and that
> wheels-of-steel classic.
>
> The late Gwendolyn Brooks, not usually known as an
> observer of hip-hop, nonetheless astutely placed it in
> its proper historical context. In a 1990 essay in
> Ebony magazine, she pointed out the "delightfully
> visible, importantly thick line of development in
> quality, stretch and strength of black creativity"
> extending from black literature to more recent
> developments such as hip-hop. She wrote that rap at
> its best, like other mostly African-American art
> forms, offers "an intoxicating beat" and "varieties of
> tone" while expressing "love, light, loss, liberty,
> lunacy and laceration." Leave it to a Pulitzer
> Prize-winning poet to put it all in perspective.
>
> Give hip-hop its due, but not at the expense of
> everything that has come before it. That would be
> sloppy. Lazy even.

By Jabari Asim, Washington Post, Monday, March 6, 2006; 12:24 PM

Octavia Butler articles

2006-03-05T18:28:00.000-05:00

Here are some links to articles about Ms. Butler, what happened to her, her life and her work. I found the articles w/asterisks to be more informative. But the best way to get to know her, though, is to read her writing.

May she rest in peace...
*****************************************************
Seattle PI* http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/6420AP_WA_Obit_Butler.html
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/261644_octavia02ww.html

Washington Blade
http://www.washblade.com/thelatest/thelatest.cfm?blog_id=5396

Amsterdam News*
http://www.amsterdamnews.com/News/article/article.asp?NewsID=66891&sID=4

EurWeb
http://eurweb.com/story/eur25081.cfm

KRT Wire
http://www.kentucky.com/mld/kentucky/news/nation/14010232.htm

The Journal News
http://www.thejournalnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060305/LIFESTYLE01/603050305/1031

Seattle Times*
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2002842188_jdl05.html

HUMP!day

2006-03-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

Who has mastered the art of sipping a really hot drink? I mean, I know it’s something that any grown ass person should know, but I don’t know that I’ve figured it out before today. Certainly not before I burned the CRAP out of my tongue, lol!!! Of course, not before that happened. But now I think I have it figured out.

Does it often take a situation or an experience to “burn” us before we finally get the lesson?

This week has been one where each morning I have been very reluctant to get out of bed. I don’t know if it’s because it’s gotten so cold these days and to pull back the covers is to expose myself to an icy chill, or what. Warm, snuggly and cozy is what I like, and what I’d have no problems waking up to. Mmmm...

And speaking of reluctance, there are a few things I’ve been putting off each day to the next, swearing to myself that I will get it done. I promise. I lie. But, at some point, these tasks will arrive at a critical stage and I will truly find myself in the usual panic. Didn’t I resolve within myself that 2006 would be different? That I’d painstakingly get over my fears, push my doubts and insecurities out of the way and take care of business???

oui. je sais.

I did.

oui. je sais

I promised.

oui, je peut.

No more lies...

A Legend in Sci-Fi: Octavia E. Butler

2006-02-28T10:24:00.000-05:00

Below is a message sent by a co-worker about one of my most favorite and cherished authors. She was quite an amazing woman, and I am grateful that I had an opportunity to simply be in her presence at a book signing she gave last October with the release of her book, Fledgling.

Ms. Butler was a writer far beyond our time with incredible foresight and imagination into what could possibly be. In a word, brilliant would best describe her and her work. If you've never delved into the world of science fiction, I would strongly suggest checking out her novels, short stories and essays. She definitely put people of color on the map in this genre, and I'm more enriched from having the experience.

*****************************************************************

It is with enormous sadness and regret that I inform you of the passing of author Octavia E. Butler.

Butler was a cherished fixture since the late 1980’s. She’s authored 14 books including Dawn, Wild Seed, Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents, as well as the forthcoming Fledgling, which was a critical success when released in October 2005 by her small hardcover press. She was a towering figure in life and in her art and the world noticed: She received numerous awards including both the Hugo and Nebula awards, a MacArthur “genius” grant, the Langston Hughes Medal, as well as a PEN Lifetime Achievement award.

The AP wire obit which ran in the NY Times online is available through this link:

Our thoughts are with her family and friends. Octavia will be sorely missed, but her powerful words and fiction will live on.

*****************************************************************

Octavia Butler (b. 1947 - 2006)

Octavia Estelle Butler is the first African-American woman to gain popularity and critical acclaim as a major science fiction writer. She was born on June 22, 1947 in Pasadena, California, to Laurice and Octavia M. (Guy) Butler. Butler was the only child of five pregnancies that her mother was able to carry to term. Her father, a shoeshine man, died when Butler was very young. Most of her memories are actually stories that she heard from her mother and grandmother. Her mother and she lived in a very racially mixed neighborhood. The unifying factor was the struggle to make ends meet. Butler "never personally experienced the more rigid forms of a segregated society" Butler was very shy in school, and describes herself as a daydreamer. These factors made it very difficult to succeed in school. She overcame dyslexia, and began writing when [she] was 10 years old...to escape loneliness and boredom.. At age twelve she became interested in science fiction.

Butler's patternists series, published between 1976 and 1984, tells of a society that is run by a specially-bred group of telepaths. This is an elite group who are mentally linked to one another in a hierarchical pattern. These telepaths are trying to create a superhuman race. This series includes the books: Patternmaster, Mind of My Mind, Survivor, Wild Seed, and Clay's Ark. Patternmaster deals with the struggle between brawn and brain. It also comments on class structure and the role of women. Wild Seed incorporates a great deal of the Black experience, including slavery. Dawn, Adulthood Rites, and Imago are the three novels that make up the Xenogenesis trilogy. These stories are about the near destruction of humankind through nuclear war and gene-swapping by extraterrestrials. The extraterrestials observe the humans as being hierarchical, which cause them to be prejudiced, and to have class divisions and conflict. These characteristics make it inevitable that mankind will eventually destroy itself without the aliens' help.

Won't You Be Mine?

2006-02-14T13:40:00.000-05:00

The History of Valentine's Day

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

The legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.

HAPPY VALETINE'S DAY!!

2006-02-08T16:58:00.000-05:00

I know this is aaaaaaallllll AFTER the fact, since the Super Bowl has been over for a little while, but I thought this was cute...
****************************************

Football FINALLY Makes Sense

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

2006-02-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

Such a chilly, rainy day today. Usually, I would forego heading out to stay inside and watch movies all day, but after having to scrap a major errand, I decided to take advantage of the time to update my checkbook, make a "to buy" list, and head out into the elements to track down a pair of winter boots to keep my toesies nice and toasty.

As part of my "get organized" initiative, I purchased a desk online and I have had the worse time trying to get it delivered. I took Wed off to wait for it, but it never came. The guy at the UPS center claims that the driver came by at 7pm that night. Funny, cuz I was home and the buzzer never rang, and I let homeboy know this. We go back and forth trying to come to some sort of arrangement, that, of course, does not pan out. I’m saying. I told him to have the driver come by after 7pm on Friday, but how about the driver comes by at 2:30pm when I am of course, not home. Nice...

I’ve been waiting for this desk since I ordered it at the end of January. And waiting is not easy for me, and wanting to grow is part of why I wear a bracelet with the letters P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E on it. Patience. It’s part of my mantra for this year, and beyond. I’m a very impatient person who needs a constant reminder that sometimes one has to wait for things to fall into place, to materialize, to run its course. Instant gratification makes it difficult to be patient, and I’m trying to overcome that impulse. When I want something done, I want it done asap. As a result, I’ve had so many projects in my head (and on paper, too, most times) that I wanted to get under way, but never started b/c I wasn’t patient enough to see the beginning steps through to completion.

The book I’ve been reading has made a HUGE difference in how I will approach a project I want to complete, and it’s helped me to recognize some internal barriers that have gotten in the way of my progress. Slowly, I’m working on overcoming these barriers.

I realized today that I need to let go of my angst about getting this desk, and quickly. As crazy as it has been making me these last few days, I really need to use this time to get prepared. Even though I’ve chosen my work area, I have yet to clear it out and get it ready to set everything up. It can be pretty frustrating when the plans you make take unexpected, unwanted turns. I’m trying to learn to be flexible and take these detours in stride.

Loss of Light

2006-01-31T23:56:00.000-05:00

Today we lost a matriarch of the movement for justice, equality and peace for all people. We must honor Mrs. Coretta Scott King and the countless men and women of the civil rights movement who were lynched, burned and tortured, mauled by dogs, maimed by water hoses and beatings, and who endured unimaginable humiliation so that future generations would have it a little bit easier.

The issues may not be as clear cut and overt as they once were, but certainly the fight for equity is not over. We need to build on the foundation laid by the heroes and heroines of the peace and justice movement and our ancestors before them by continuing to demand equality and respect.

We have to want more...it can’t be enough just to discuss these issues and take a look into the past only in February....

Time For A Change

2006-01-31T17:52:00.000-05:00

Although I haven’t officially made this a goal of mine, I have decided to begin exploring seriously other areas of my industry for possible career options. Not to say that where I am now and what I do I’d consider a “career”. Right now, work is just work and my job just a job. My heart’s desire is to find something that I will truly enjoy.

Keeping in the spirit of the mantra Organized chose, and I adopted, (“Want it more than you Fear it.”) I’ve made moves to find out more about what it will take for me to make the transition. I was nervous out of my wits when I set up my first meeting, but I did it anyway. And I knew I had to, or I’d be sitting here another year or two years from now wondering why I didn’t and regretting the fact that I hadn’t. I wasn’t ready when I tried this before, but now I am.

My meeting went well and the colleague I met with seemed happy to talk with me and gave me some helpful advice. We discussed things I’d already known, but that was just confirmation that this would be the path I would need to take. What makes this particularly difficult for me is that I’m not naturally inclined to reach out to people, so I tend to “suffer in silence” when it comes to networking. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I’m a shy, introverted person, so to pursue this is to push me out of my comfort zone and I’m hoping it’s going to be worth it.

I singed up for a mentoring program, which I knew when I applied, would really be a bunch of crock. I have my own ulterior motives for participating, but more than anything, I just want to see where this thing goes. I confided in a friend of mine that I’d signed up, and we had a good laugh about it.

Funnier still, I told her that suspected some sort of systematic sabotage b/c I was linked up w/someone who in a GAZILLION years I’d NEVER make any moves to become acquainted with (not that I have anything against her). And on top of that, she’s in an area that I have absolutely ZERO interest in. I could’ve had an out, I guess if I’d insisted on having someone in my preferred area of interest, but the down side to that would be that if this woman already knew we’d been paired up and I rejected her, I believe there would’ve been some hell to pay. She knows a lot of people and is pretty well connected. For now, I’ve elected to play the game so I’m going to make the best of the situation and hope this shit pays off down the line.

But...I still can’t help be disturbed by what I think may be going on behind the scenes with this program. I’d be a fool not to think that the people in charge of it are hooking up who they want to hook up, and I know I’m not one of those people. Not that I’m surprised by that. We’ve had our problems before...

Hmmm...should be interesting, though...

Do You Like The Things That Life Is Showing You?

2006-01-23T22:42:00.000-05:00

What I like most about Anthony Hamilton’s music is his southern sensibilities in his songs. His down-home flair is something I miss about living growing up in the south. This song, AIN’T NOBODY WORRYIN’, really got me thinking about all the problems facing the Black community, and how it seems things only continue to get worse for us rather than better. I know that there are programs out there to help our people, but I still wonder if they are helping. There are those of us who volunteer helping children, the elderly and the homeless, but I can’t help but wonder if the efforts of those amazing people will somehow be lost along the way. So much of what we see of ourselves in the media doesn’t offer much hope, and after a while, it seems overwhelming...like there is so much too do, too little people to do it, and the results just aren’t coming quickly enough. It can all be so discouraging before one even gets started. Yet, there is a part of me that has to believe that every little bit helps, and maybe, just maybe it’s things aren’t as bad as they seem.

I watched a documentary about the Muhammad Ali - George Foreman fight, WHEN WE WERE KINGS. Ali talked a whole lot of trash, lol, but you couldn’t help but be drawn to him. What I fell in love most about him was how he was all about uniting Black people across the world and his courage to refuse to be drafted into the Vietnam War. His main point was, why am I going to go over there and fight poor people who haven’t done anything to me. They haven’t lynched me or called me a nigger. I don’t hear a lot about the stances our athletes are taking today, if any. Maybe I’m missing it. All I know is that to me our society, our people are so different from the way they were back then. In the 70's (and in earlier decades) Black people stood up for what they believed in and spoke out against what wasn’t right, and I’m trying to figure out what happened to us...what has changed?

2006-01-19T20:54:00.000-05:00

Ain’t nobody worryin’
when the shots fly high
And the sirens start to ring

Ain’t nobody worryin’
when the kids die young
And the mothers are suffering

Ain’t nobody praying
when they kneel down low
all they doin’ is tyin’ their shoe string

Ain’t nobody worryin’ no’ mo’ no’ mo’ no’ mo’

The homeless have nowhere to turn
When their stomachs start to burn
Cuz they ain’t got food to eat

How the chil’ren going to learn
When they gotta take turns
Cuz they ain’t got books to read?

Then our babies turn to crime
Started getting high
Cuz the job train’s kinda slow

Cuz ain’t nobody worryin’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’

When the tears start to fall
And you can’t see your way
Just to carry on*
Come on judgment day
You don’t have to moan
Help’s on the way

Cuz ain’t nobody worryin’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’

These are our precious times
Diseases taking lives,
Medicaid ran out

Showed me a welfare line
There’s a mother on her own
Trying to beat the drought*

Tell me when will this end?
All the suffering?
My faith is running low

Ain’t nobody worryin’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ (2x)

When the tears start to fall
And you can’t see your way
Just to carry on
Come on judgment day
You don’t have to moan
Help’s on the way

Cuz ain’t nobody worryin’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’

Oh lawd

Ain’t nobody worryin’
when the shots fly high
And the sirens start to ring

I said ain’t nobody worryin’
when the kids die young
And the mothers are suffering

Ain’t nobody worryin’
The black man’s doing time
And nobody cares for him

(Nobody caring)
The government’s on the grind
And trying to fence him in

Our babies are getting high
While drugs in the school
We need to pray again

When will it end? Will it end? Will it end? Will it end?

Cuz ain’t nobody worryin’

MIA

2006-01-17T22:03:00.000-05:00

If it hasn't been one thing, it's been something else, but finally, I am back connected to the world from the comfort of my home! My last laptop called it kaput so I had to invest in a new one. And that took a while... Then I had trouble getting my network set up at home, but it looks like I am officially back in bidness!!! Man! I definitely missed this, and there has been so much I've wanted to express, so please, bear w/me as I get back into the groove of things...updating my page and catching up on my blog reading, lol. :oD

Holiday wrap-up:

I made a trip south to visit w/my family and friends, and it turned out to be quite a nice trip. There were a couple down sides to it, though: 1) it wasn't longer and 2) I couldn't get in touch w/a couple of my friends b/c I didn't have their numbers w/me. Other than that, it was nice to see some of my fam and spend time w/them. The best part about it for me was that I realized that I'm ready to close a bit of distance between myself and a few of them. While I love my family a lot, some of them can be pretty judgemental and pretentious at times. And sometimes downright disrespectful. It got to a point where I'd had enough and had to make myself scarce for a while. But now, I'm up for reaching out more on my own terms. To my family's credit, I will say that most of them aren't those things I mentioned. It's really only a small group I'm referring to, but it's all good.

New Year's was great! Even though I'm really not much of a church-goer, certainly not like I used to be, I wanted to bring in the new year there. I'd invited a friend of mine to go w/me so we had dinner and went to a church nearby for service. When we left, I felt so at peace. It was incredible. I didn't realize how chaotic I had allowed my life to become (inside and out) until I felt this stillness in my spirit. So, after service we'd walked and talked for a little while, then I went home. I had to relish the serenity I felt. It had just been too long since I'd had that. Last year was a rough year, lots of ups and downs and I'd been worn out by the whole experience. So, it was nice to feel rejeuvenated and refreshed at the start of a new year.

2006:

In keeping with seeking to maintain a peaceful spirit, I've been doing a personal inventory of the areas I want to work on this year and beyond. This is the year that I want to change my life, and I feel that it's going to happen. One of the things I've started working on is getting organized. I realized that too many areas of my life felt all out of sort and discombobulated because of how disorganized it was. The closer I looked into this, the more I realized what a difference something as "simple" as getting organized would make my life.

And as with so many things, you've got to start small and take baby steps so as not to become overwhelmed with the enormity of whatever task you undertake or change you want to make. I'm determined to stick to this and work on it a little at a time. My finances have gotten the initial re-vamp, I'm making plans for my home and work spaces, and in the process, getting a little better at managing my time overall. I was actually on time for work 4 out of 5 days last week, and was on time this morning. And that was a miracle!! LOL

Ya'll might get sick of hearing about this stuff, but it's only the beginning.

I have this one little story, so to speak, then I'm out.

I was at work looking for something I'd misplaced and was going through a drawer of mine for it. Anyone who has ever seen my cube knows that it's piled high with boxes of files, files stacked on each other and books and shoes everywhere else. So, basically, it looks like a hot mess of disarray, which it is...for now. Anyway, as I was going through this drawer, I found soooo much stuff that I didn't even realize I'd had. Straws, for example. There had been days where I would forget to pick up one from wherever I was and would be cursing when I'd get back to my desk and realize I'd forgotten it. Well, lo and behold, a sista had MAD straws up in her drawer when she really was convinced that she'd had NONE! lol

The moral to the story is this:

Stop looking everywhere else for the things you need before searching inside yourself. When you actually take the time to dig into who you are, you may be surprised to find that what you've spent so much time looking everywhere else for has already been there the whole time.

Starting the NEW YEAR Off Right!

2006-01-03T16:10:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent this to me, so I thought I'd share... I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful New Year...

December 28, 2005
Creative Cuts: Editing Your Life

Our lives can be compared to an ongoing movie script over which we have complete creative control. Within us lies the power to examine what works or isn't working in our lives and make "edits" to our life's script, accordingly. Choosing to actively edit your life can be incredibly empowering. As you evolve, you have the choice to accept the script you've written thus far or edit it so you can create a life that fulfills you. You can cut out from your life's script what is no longer working for you. Acknowledging that you are responsible for the experience you create gives you the ability to create the life you've always longed for.

Granted, editing your real life isn't always as easy as erasing a line of text. If you've carried emotional baggage or held on to an unhealthy relationship for a long time, these may be difficult to edit out. But when you do cut out what isn't working from your life, you'll feel lighter and more alive. Editing out activities that you find stressful, disassociating yourself from people that drain your energy, and letting go of your emotional baggage are all beneficial cuts you can make. In the empty spaces that are left behind, you can add in anything you like. Just as you have the power to edit out negative situations or beliefs that you no longer wish to have as part of your life, you can now include the kinds of positive experiences, people, and beliefs that you would like to fill your life with. The manifestation of these thoughts and images as realities in your life will inevitably follow. As you make changes to your life, you can also add in the bits where you choose more intimate, healthier relationships, seek out adventure over tedium, and are no longer negatively impacted by old experiences.

To begin editing your life, simply think about your positive and negative experiences. When you determine what parts of your life are no longer serving you, make the commitment to remove them - though, it is important to remember that there is no proper timing or way to do this, and patience and compassion for yourself are always important during this process. Then, ask yourself what has brought you profound bliss and consider how you can make those experiences and beliefs part of your life now. With a little editing, you'll be able to clear out what is no longer serving you and make room in your life for more happiness, love, and wisdom.

The source is OM Newsletter.

Miscellaneous Holiday Madness

2005-12-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

Today I just didn’t feel like making the effort to come in to the office today, but I dragged my tired butt out anyway. I can’t really complain b/c I didn’t have nearly the commute trials and tribulations so many others had, but still. At first the idea of a strike is novel...until you realize just how badly your otherwise usual activities and ventures are affected by ALL the trains and buses out of the picture. And this sht is not pretty!

Fortunately for me, today is my last day, and I will be oh so glad to get up out of here. Can’t wait! I have a lot of things to get accomplished before heading south for a bit of the winter. And even more fortunately, I only have to deal w/2 days of this chaos if it goes on longer. A friend of mine told me that in 1980, the strike lasted for ELEVEN DAYS! Usually, I’ve very “fight for your right” and “power to the people”, but if this thing goes on through next week, I can’t guarantee that I’ll continue to be as sympathetic.

My department participated in a charity this year that answers letters to Santa from needy children throughout the city. This was the first I’d been a part of this, and I can’t begin to tell you how great it felt to be out buying things for someone who could really use it. We had two kids, a boy and a girl that we were all buying for, and it was amazing how much stuff they had. All the presents were wrapped and handed out to them at their school. I bought both kids winter boots and socks. If I had kids of my own, I know that they would be so spoiled. Just ask Mr. K! He knows, LOL!

But all in all, it was rewarding for me to contribute something to a couple of great kids and I’m looking forward to doing the same again next year. Maybe even take it further and become a mentor.

So even w/the holiday and transit strike blues, there is always something to be grateful for and be appreciative of. Having health, family, friends, and basic life necessities are not things to take for granted...ever.

EXECUTION

2005-12-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

The room was an igloo compared to the warmth of the bed. I shivered as I slid beneath the covers, back into the cocoon of where his body had just been, hoping to be enveloped by his warmth. Knowing that eventually, it would become my own.

Soon I was lying on a moist-cool-warm pillow. I could still feel the weight of his fingers and hands as only hours before he inexpertly but effectively kneaded much of the tension from my shoulders, neck and back. His hands were like mittens, their impression left in my muscles the way footprints are made in sand.

He had been kind enough not to press me about the “naked” prerequisite, but I had obliged anyway as I deftly pulled my black tank over my head, revealing a part of myself to him. Knowing that I could only get what I needed this way.

“So what do you want to do?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I breathed in reply.

“You have to know,” he says. I could see a faint trace of exasperation in his eyes as we lay in the semi-darkness. “You have to have some kind of plan.”

Nearly everything he'd said I’d already sorted through in my own mind sitting with my thoughts, but these were the things I hadn’t dared utter aloud. Even though we are in different places in many ways, in numerous others we are inexplicably close. I know that in our hearts we want a lot of the same things. Yet, he’d managed to say them. He’s definitely the more mature one.

The apartment was cold and shadowy. Walking him to the door seemed to take hours. It was like two condemned prisoners being led to the execution chamber, our relationship soon to be demised. He gripped my hands as though clinging to a last bit of life, as if to comfort and, yet, struggle to be comforted until we both had to let go. My mind drifted back to only moments before. I could have lain there forever, my legs entangled in his.

Why does loving someone always seem to involve some form of torture?

© Copyright 2005 by Issiata

A Woman Should...

2005-12-15T10:56:00.000-05:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
always makes her laugh...
And one
who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will
make her guests feel honore d.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over
her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or
the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
may not have been perfect...
but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't
do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..

And a year...

******************************

A friend of mine sent this to me, and though I've seen a few derivatives of this same fwd, I decided to post it. In a way, I think of it as a "30 something" (and maybe 40, depending) woman's checklist to life. Not every woman is going to have or know all these things, but it's a nice list to have to gauge where you are and where, if any place, you'd like to go. Enjoy! :)

Just My Thoughts

2005-12-13T12:54:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER:

I don't really have much to talk about, but I at least wanted to get something down before I got disowned, LOL! So pls excuse the rambling...this post may or may not make sense. :)Today is just one of those days. I didn’t get much sleep last night (due to circumstances beyond f

Today is just one of those days. I didn’t get much sleep last night (due to circumstances beyond my control, lol) so I’m tired today, and not feeling this cold ass weather.

I’m only looking forward to the holidays in order to have time off work and the drama so I can relax a little. This week is the last full for us, and next week I work three days. Then it’s off to MD for a bit for Christmas, and back to NYC for some peace and quiet and leisure time w/Mr. K. There are a few things in the works for New Year’s Eve, so I’ll be working that out once I’m back.

While I like the change in seasons, I can’t really tolerate days below 40 degrees, sometimes 30’s, the lowest, but this sht right here: BBBBBBRRRRRRRrrrrrrr!

Christmas shopping is not exactly my favorite thing to do, but there are some ppl I want to show how much I appreciate them. But if there was anything I could have (besides a new laptop and a few other things) I would want to celebrate Christmas w/my brother and sister and their kids the way we did a few years back. My sister’s in NC and my brother’s in MD, though MIA most of the time. We didn’t grow up together in the same household as a family, so my heart truly yearns for that closeness.

So while the holidays are supposed to be all joyous and merry, they tend to be mixed with a little sadness for me.

Since there have been some major developments at work, I am looking forward to sitting down w/a piping mug of Earl Grey to map out my goals and plans for next year. I usually start giving the next year some thought and briefly jot down some goals in September. This year wasn’t in depth planning, but now that I have had some quality inspiration (and motivation) from my fellow bloggers, I am so ready to put my pen to paper and begin making my dreams a reality.

*smile*

Lil Didja Know

2005-12-08T17:52:00.000-05:00

Try as I might, America’s Next Top Model was one of a myriad of reality shows that sucked me in this season. It’s bad enough as it is that I’m already a huge TV junkie. So, I’ve been watching the majority of the episodes from this season (now they are referring to them as “cycles”. Who da hell came up w/that???) and the girl I personally did not want to win won, and I have my own speculations as to why it worked out the way it did. Oh, and to digress a bit, for anyone who has watched the show, I’ve seen Nigel Barker on the street this summer, and one of my friends met in the airport last month! :)

Anyway, during the final judges’ deliberation, Twiggy, one of the judges, said that she believed that even though Nik could be fierce, she was a gentle soul underneath, and would not be able to cope w/the pressure of being a top model. And that Nicole, on the other hand would not crack so easily.

Sidenote: Even though I know the producers and editors of the show edit to represent the impressions they want viewers to have, in more than one episode Nicole was either a.) freaking out during a shoot b/c pigeons were landing on her, b.)flat out refusing to try to recite her lines from memory while making the CoverGirl commercial (Jay had to read them aloud to her so she could repeat them), or c.) bitching about being dirty and getting mud all over herself after an obstacle course challenge. I could probably be wrong about how she does as the new ANTM, but Nicole's responses in those situations just didn't resonate "toughness" to me. Throughout each of those instances, Nik held her shit together and nailed those challenges. Honestly, I would have preferred Bre (the lil ma from Harlem) to win the top spot, but I wholeheartedly disagree that Nik would have succumbed to the rigors of being the next top model.

There are some things I’ve accomplished that other ppl just did not think I could do—-move to NYC w/no job or a place to live, learn to drive a stick, for example—-or have it in me to actually do. And the funny thing is, I ended surprising myself as much as I probably surprised the ppl who told me I couldn't and didn't believe in me. I’ve done those things, and I’m proud that I now have ownership of them under my belt, but I found myself really thinking about what other “surprises” I want to have in my life. (Besides learning how to swim, lol!)

What’s something you’ve done that you (or others) were surprised you could do?

Where I Got It...

2005-12-06T15:33:00.000-05:00

Brooklyn Babe mentioned that she shared the famous Cosby quote with her social group, and she and Bajan Queen noted that BQ posted it on her site as well.

So to give credit where credit is due, I took this quote from JB's email tag line. It got me to thinking and I was moved by it, and I wanted to share it.

It's great to see that we are trying to keep ourselves and each other motivated as we work to make our dreams our reality.

Thanks, JB! :)

Destiny

2005-12-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined I’d be living in New York City.

The city that truly never sleeps, that is the constant hustle and bustle of those trying to make it and those that have; a city of takers and givers, cons and straight-laced and everything in between; filled with devils and those who would devour, yet saved by angels incessantly standing guard. Babylon.

Like most pre-teens growing up in the 80s in the suburbs, NYC was where it was at. It was where hip hop and rap icons and legends were made, where culture was born. I used to write rhymes w/my girls, had my share of female rap duos, trios and the like, and had my dreams of one day touching a star.

I romanticized NYC as a youth, but did not set out to make the island my home. But, somehow, here I am. And believe me, the novelty soon wore off as I realized how tough and unforgiving this city (and its people) can often be. We take no fcking prisoners. I’ll knock into a muthafcka and keep it moving if I have someplace to be and yo azz is in my way. But, I’ll stop and give anyone directions if I can b/c I know what it’s like to be lost in an unfamiliar place.

These are the faces, the moods, the ups, the downs, the perils and the joys of living in this city. I hate the winters here, but can still find some beauty in it. The air feels cleaner (though I don’t know if it really is), more crisp, and a lot less smelly. I can count on that. The parks become winter wonderlands, and somehow, you fall in love w/this place again. So much to do and see, to drink and eat, and people to meet. It’s no wonder that in some ways the world watches us with envy and sometimes, awe. I am even amazed by it.

For now, it’s home. My base.

It’s the place I find myself yearning to get back to when I’m away...

2005-12-05T17:35:00.000-05:00

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. –Bill Cosby

*****************

Fear, in some cases, can be a positive motivating factor when making decisions like buckling your seatbelt, wearing a condom/using birth control, or getting annual physicals. But other times, Fear can be debilitating and crippling, and can prevent someone from reaching his or her goals or realizing their dreams.

A friend once asked me if I’d ever experienced the sense of accomplishment felt after conquering a fear. I’d really like to know what it’s like to know how to swim. I’d had a traumatic childhood experience which is probably the reason I haven’t learned yet, but I really want to be able to enjoy water sports without being freaked out.

I was on a cruise some years ago, and a bunch of us went snorkeling. Okay, let’s just say I went holding on to one of the boat boys and nearly drowned him, lol. Yeah, it was hard as hell to breathe out of those masks, but I managed to put my face in the water for, oh...like, FIVE minutes!! LOL I did not like feeling so helpless and so panicked. But, the next time I go snorkeling, I want to be able to enjoy it fully and experience everything I missed before.

This is why I liked this quote so much, though...I can decide to want my goals accomplished more than being afraid of doing what it takes to accomplish them.

That’s soooo empowering...

Pass The Rose-Tinted Glasses, Please

2005-11-30T18:14:00.000-05:00

This morning I did something that I am usually not able to do---get out of the house on time! Even had a chat w/one of my roommates, and was still able to make it out of the door on schedule. Definitely a feat for me.

Well, everything goes as it always does, except this time, I’m not overwhelmed with the anxiety I feel when I’m late, lol. So, I’m feeling good until I step foot on the train. At first I didn’t know why this particular thing bothered me so much, but I have to say that I became quite pissed.

There was a man sitting on the end to my left, by the door, and he had his leg crossed in the man’s version of crossing your legs. Not knees over one another, but with his left ankle on his right knee. I nearly bumped into his foot. I mean, it was all out in the walkway of the train, and that really annoyed the hell out of me. I sat opposite him, and the more I watched him w/his leg crossed, reading his paper, chillin’, the more my annoyance churned into pissivity.

My first thought: How fcking rude to just have your leg propped up and your foot all out in the way like that.

Second thought: Who the hell does this guy think he is being in the way all like that???

Third thought: This fool is NOT at home in his fcking living room!!!

I will admit that I’m prejudiced. I don’t necessarily like that about myself, but I realize what is true. Most people are prejudiced on some level, to some degree about something. Yet, no one can disagree that white men have been, and very often still are, notorious for creating and perpetuating the systematic oppression of ppl of color and the poor. And like a lot of ppl I know, there is the sentiment that no matter where a wht person goes, they walk about like they own the place. And the way things are going, they will eventually own all our places too. I strive to be one of those ppl who sees these things out from dimly smoky colored glasses. It's the only way to see through the blinding light of the subtle face of racism, class-ism and sexism.

So my mind is spinning as I think about how Harlem is changing and I feel angry, sad and helpless all at once.

Then, I thought: What's so wrong w/this guy just relaxing and enjoying his paper?

I stepped back for a second to wonder whether things really could be that simple. I don't think so. They never really are.

Hearts That Have Bled...

2005-11-28T13:53:00.000-05:00

Where Will Our Children Live...

A lonesome warrior stands in fear of what the future brings,
he will never hear the beating drums or the songs his brothers sing.

Our many nations once stood tall and ranged from shore to shore
but most are gone and few remain and the buffalo roam no more.

We shared our food and our land and gave with open hearts,
We wanted peace and love and hope, but all were torn apart.

All this was taken because we did not know what the white man had in store,
They killed our people and raped our lands and the buffalo roam no more.

But those of us who still remain hold our heads up high, and the spirits of
the elders flow through us as if they never died.

Our dreams will live on forever and our nations will be reborn, our bone and
beads and feathers all will be proudly worn.

If you listen close you will hear the drums and songs upon the winds, and in
the distance you will see....the buffalo roam again.

Submitted by:

Tommy Flamewalker Manasco

Romance, Fact or Fiction?

2005-11-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

When I think of the Native Americans, I think of a people who are proud of their heritage and proud of who they are. They were generous, open-hearted, kind and loving people. Even though they aren’t able to live a quarter of the lives they once did, they continue to walk forward in who their people once were, and still are. Stories like the one below not only gloss over the Native Americans’ contributions to this country, but over the deceit, manipulative, calculating and opportunistic ways of the white men which devastated their way of life. Greed, selfishness and individualism are the great motivators that have brought men to cheat, steal and create war for resources. The events that took place as long ago as the 15th century are really not as different from those that are happening now. We need to stop looking at history in fragments, but as continuous.

Additional interesting info:
African Native American Exhibit

The Fur Trade as an excuse for disenfranchising the Native Americans?? I wonder...

The Fur Trade
As for the Mountain Men and other counterparts, many of them stayed
active long after the fur decline, as scouts and guides for the army or
as settlers; some became the nemeses of the very people from whom they
had learned so much-they were among the only whites skilled enough
to track the warring Indians.

Because of the rugged Indian-like life-style
of the fur traders-from the French voyageurs and coureurs de bois to the
Hudson’s Bay Company explorers to the American Mountain Men-they, like the
American cowboy, have come to be romanticized. They certainly were
stalwart, courageous, and individualistic, and, of all the whites entering
the domain of the Indians, perhaps the most appreciative and respectful
of Indian ways.

But there were also those traders who held the Indians in disdain, using
whatever means they could, especially alcohol, to cheat them. Although
there is little comparison between the depredations these opportunistic
individuals imposed on the Indians and those imposed by the the majority
of Spanish conquistadors, for example, who sought to conquer, plunder, and
enslave the Indian population, certain traders might nevertheless be called
the harbingers of an insensitive and exploitative white culture.

A Thanksgiving Story

2005-11-23T16:43:00.000-05:00

The Pilgrims who sailed to this country aboard the Mayflower were originally members of the English Separatist Church (a Puritan sect). They had earlier fled their home in England and sailed to Holland (The Netherlands) to escape religious persecution. There, they enjoyed more religious tolerance, but they eventually became disenchanted with the Dutch way of life, thinking it ungodly. Seeking a better life, the Separatists negotiated with a London stock company to finance a pilgrimage to America. Most of those making the trip aboard the Mayflower were non-Separatists, but were hired to protect the company's interests. Only about one-third of the original colonists were Separatists.

The Pilgrims set ground at Plymouth Rock on December 11, 1620. Their first winter was devastating. At the beginning of the following fall, they had lost 46 of the original 102 who sailed on the Mayflower. But the harvest of 1621 was a bountiful one. And the remaining colonists decided to celebrate with a feast -- including 91 Indians who had helped the Pilgrims survive their first year. It is believed that the Pilgrims would not have made it through the year without the help of the natives. The feast was more of a traditional English harvest festival than a true "thanksgiving" observance. It lasted three days.

Governor William Bradford sent "four men fowling" after wild ducks and geese. It is not certain that wild turkey was part of their feast. However, it is certain that they had venison. The term "turkey" was used by the Pilgrims to mean any sort of wild fowl.

Another modern staple at almost every Thanksgiving table is pumpkin pie. But it is unlikely that the first feast included that treat. The supply of flour had been long diminished, so there was no bread or pastries of any kind. However, they did eat boiled pumpkin, and they produced a type of fried bread from their corn crop. There was also no milk, cider, potatoes, or butter. There was no domestic cattle for dairy products, and the newly-discovered potato was still considered by many Europeans to be poisonous. But the feast did include fish, berries, watercress, lobster, dried fruit, clams, venison, and plums.

This "thanksgiving" feast was not repeated the following year. But in 1623, during a severe drought, the pilgrims gathered in a prayer service, praying for rain. When a long, steady rain followed the very next day, Governor Bradford proclaimed another day of Thanksgiving, again inviting their Indian friends. It wasn't until June of 1676 that another Day of Thanksgiving was proclaimed.

On June 20, 1676, the governing council of Charlestown, Massachusetts, held a meeting to determine how best to express thanks for the good fortune that had seen their community securely established. By unanimous vote they instructed Edward Rawson, the clerk, to proclaim June 29 as a day of thanksgiving. It is notable that this thanksgiving celebration probably did not include the Indians, as the celebration was meant partly to be in recognition of the colonists' recent victory over the "heathen natives," (see the proclamation). October of 1777 marked the first time that all 13 colonies joined in a thanksgiving celebration. It also commemorated the patriotic victory over the British at Saratoga. But it was a one-time affair.

George Washington proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving in 1789, although some were opposed to it. There was discord among the colonies, many feeling the hardships of a few Pilgrims did not warrant a national holiday. And later, President Thomas Jefferson scoffed at the idea of having a day of thanksgiving.

It was Sarah Josepha Hale, a magazine editor, whose efforts eventually led to what we recognize as Thanksgiving. Hale wrote many editorials championing her cause in her Boston Ladies' Magazine, and later, in Godey's Lady's Book. Finally, after a 40-year campaign of writing editorials and letters to governors and presidents, Hale's obsession became a reality when, in 1863, President Lincoln proclaimed the last Thursday in November as a national day of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was proclaimed by every president after Lincoln. The date was changed a couple of times, most recently by Franklin Roosevelt, who set it up one week to the next-to-last Thursday in order to create a longer Christmas shopping season. Public uproar against this decision caused the president to move Thanksgiving back to its original date two years later. And in 1941, Thanksgiving was finally sanctioned by Congress as a legal holiday, as the fourth Thursday in November.

The Element of GENIUS

2005-11-22T13:06:00.000-05:00

I had seen previews for Oprah's 20th Anniversary show and decided to record it, and I'm so glad I did. Below is a piece that Sidney Poitier wrote for her. Even though he's talking about Oprah and how she has inspired so many and helped so many more, his words were an inspiration to me and sparked something inside of me to do more, reach higher and be successful on my own terms. So, I wanted to share this, and I hope Mr. Poitier's words light the fire of GENIUS in each of you, too.

*************************************************************

The Element of Genius
Indeed does genius have a shape or a form?
If we cannot spot it by size or shape
Then how do we know we are in its presence?
Might we have been privileged to witness
Moments of genius in Oprah Winfrey’s vision
Over these past 20 years
During which genius, or something akin to it,
Inspired millions of her fellow Americans
To stand tall in their personal lives and reach beyond their limits.
That genius is echoing still in the hearts and minds of many
Who were encouraged to the nurture the goodness in themselves,
And ready themselves to take the reins of their lives
Into their own hands and hold them firmly and have a say
In what direction their journey through life should take.
In these past 20 years, America’s media industry,
As extraordinary as it was, would have been considered less vibrant
Without the genius of Oprah Winfrey, or something akin to it.
As an audience you have seen her vision on your screen.
As a friend, I have seen it in action.
For 20 years, it has remained something to behold.
Congratulations, Oprah, from all of us for these past 20 years,
And for the light you’ve brought that shines so gently
On those who need it most.

This Is IT, I Promise!! LOL

2005-11-17T13:23:00.000-05:00

Friday, Nov. 11th:

A friend of mine was invited to an (art) opening, and I very casually invited myself along. (so casually that she thinks she invited me, lol) We hung out for a bit at the spot where she is having a bday party w/one of her friends, talking a Scotsman and a black guy. They were something else! The black dude watches a lot of TV so he and I had a lot to discuss, and once the Scotsman realized I knew who Dan Brown was, he couldn’t stop telling me how much he enjoyed his books. “Remember to read Angels and Demons first...” He actually read The Da Vinci Code twice. I certainly hadn’t seen that coming! But good for him. Especially since he’s not much of a reader. I’m sold.

Well, me and my friend hopped a cab to head over the opening, and filled each other in on our lives on the way. We hadn’t hung out since the Party (and yes, I asked about those damn pictures! Demanded, even...), so there was much to discuss. As we approached our destination, we heard loud music, and my friend starts screaming, and nearly pushes me out the cab. She runs up the street yelling, “It’s the band! It’s the band!” as I run behind her, bewildered and trying to keep up. Well, once we made our way to the crowd, I understood what was up. The artist had hired the Malcolm X Shabazz School band to perform, and believe me when I tell you they were killin’ it!! High school kids, mind you. It’s a shame they can look so grown up so young. All the percussionists were freakin’ it, the trumpet players were freakin’ it, and the two drum majors were definitely freakin’ it.

Well, Kehinde's work is quite amazing! There were four paintings in one large room, and in a smaller space toward the front, there were various sketches and a video being shown of how the painting were drawn, since he used live models and horses. I couldn't help but be impressed with his work.

My friend introduced me to the artists, curators and buyers, and I decided to step outside of myself and initiate conversations with some of the ppl standing close by. I met some very interesting folks, and was glad later that I had done this. After standing about chatting for a while, we decided to head over to the dinner reception.

If I hadn't seen this place with my own two eyes, I would not have believed it could exist. But that's what I love about Manhattan...there are so many hidden treasures in the most inconspicuous places. I don't remember who owned this place, but once you walked up the sets of stairs to the main floor your breathe would be taken away. For all intents and purposes, I would call this place a mansion. It was HUGE!! Man, I wish I could have taken photos! It was absolutely beautiful...

My friend and I ended up sitting w/the artist's mom, sister and his sister's friends. After a while we were all just cracking up and having ourselves a great time. LA was itching to get out and into something, so it ended up that the group was going to a place called Chichiz. This was the first black gay bar I'd ever been to, and it ended up being some of what I expected, but more of what I didn't expect. The food was great, the music was good, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. I'd already met and talked to most of the ppl who were there, so it was nice to mix and mingle in a more close setting. Our group took over a huge area by the wall, and everyone talked, drank and danced. The straight bar boy (he wasn't a bartender, so I'm not sure what his job is called) didn't believe that 3 of us were the ages that we were, and he couldn't get enough of my friend. And he was a cutie, too! The only downside for is that he was young as hell! lol The last remnants of us got kicked out around 4am, and by then, they were ready for us to go. And made no bones whatsoever about letting us know.

Everyone stood outside the bar, and we made our goodbyes, and I hopped a cab w/a couple the artists I met who were heading uptown. I didn't get home until 4:30, and I slept until almost noon the next day. But, I had fun like I haven't had in a long, long time!!

Adventures in NYC: Part DEUX

2005-11-16T17:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is Part II, but not the whole story. So, I feel it's my duty to bless you guys w/a part three to quest your insatiable thirsts, lol! This has turned into a busy week, but I want to share my stories w/you...there is more! :) And I will revise this post to include the pic of the flyer for the artist's show... you gotta see it!

Nov. 10th (con't):
Now, b/c the keyboardist for the opening band was so gracious to us, I’m going to keep any extra comments to myself. EB has spoken to him since the concert, and he is very proud of his band. I will say, though, that I agree w/EB in that TH needs to learn some band-iquette and take the time to introduce all the members of his band at the end of their set. And a sidenote from me: Next time, don’t embarrass your drummer by making him stand hunched over to the side while you take over his position in an attempt to show off your percussion prowess. Okay, yeah, I was a little impressed (b/c I didn’t expect that in a BAZILLION years!), but I didn’t that was the time or place for that shit.

You all can check them out and draw your own conclusions.

The only other thing I will add is that the guitar player reminded me of Jay from Jay and Silent Bob (though much shorter), and I couldn’t understand why the back-up singers wore what looked to me like hunting caps. *hunched shoulders* And, I probably won’t ever figure that out. Maybe they need an image consultant, too...

Adventures in NYC: Part ONE

2005-11-14T19:00:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER:
My computer is still down right now, and I’m limping along the best way I know how. So PLEASE bear with me. :)
*****************************************
The latter part of last week was probably one of the best times I have had in I don’t even know how long. I realize that I should give myself a break sometimes from having to have every single thing planned out and be spontaneous, and that’s pretty much what I did. And I’m very happy to report that my doing so had exceptional results.

Wednesday, Nov. 9th:
I went to a martial arts class, and had a really great time. Usually I feel uncomfortable around ppl that I don’t know, and even though this was the school where my friend is a Master, that didn’t relieve me. I also have a problem w/ppl standing all close to me (especially while I’m eating), and there were a few ppl doing that, so the annoyance only added to my discomfort. Well, I finished my “dinner” and class got under way. Once the instructor started talking about all the things we would learn, how the class would be structured and the props we would need, I was good. The class went well, and I am quite pleased to say that I know how to break a person’s shin, defend myself with keys or a pen and how to subdue someone with an amazing grapple hold. I had everyone in the class cracking up, b/c every time the instructor gave us a tid bit of useful info on how to injure someone in a hostile situation, I couldn’t help but be overcome with joy. Yeah, I’m a little psychotic, I know, but I have to say that I felt empowered when I walked out of there, and would suggest that other women take this class as well.

2005-11-14T18:49:00.000-05:00

Thursday, Nov. 10th:
EB went w/me to SOBs to see if we could get into the Floetry concert. I arrived first and waited in a huge line (but not too hug) to try to get in at the door. We didn’t have advanced tickets, but I figured we should just try our luck at the door and see what happened. EB went to check, and the guy told her that tickets were sold out, but to come back around 9:30p. We decided to come back later, so we headed around the corner from the spot. Well, we ran into some guys standing outside, and what happened next makes me a firm believer in big, beautiful natural hair. One of the guys was feeling my friend’s hair, so he started chatting her up. EB asked if he could hook us up w/tickets, and after more conversation, he said that he’d see what he could do. She took his number and we were off.

I didn’t think too much of it, but EB was convinced that we’d somehow get in. We walked for a while, and all the while my feet are killing me from wearing the high ass shoes I had on. Finally, we stopped for a slice and I got a chance to rest my tired dogs. Cuz believe me, they were woofin’!!! She called him to see what the deal was and he didn’t have any info, so we talked for a while. Then, he called her back. He said for us to meet him back where we were before. We jetted out of the pizza shop and high-tailed it back to the side of the club. Well, as it turns out, this guy was the keyboardist in the band that would be opening for Floetry. So, he told us to stand w/the entourage to go in the side door. Well, we get to the door, and the bouncer is telling ppl that if they are not w/the band, then they need to go get checked in on the guest list...at the FRONT. At that point, the whole group of ppl that we were standing with headed in that direction, but we did not, my friends...SUCKAAAASSSSS...

The door guy stopped us and told us the same thing he’d told everyone else, but EB, with her quick thinking self said that we were with the band, and he let us in. WHHOOOOO!

So, as it turns out not only did we still get to see Floetry, but we got to see them for FREE!! I’m going to refrain from saying too much about the opening act, as they were something special to behold. I will have to hit you all with the link later, lol!! Pure comedy!

Floetry on the other hand, put on such an amazing show, one would not believe. Even the chick behind us (who complained about our hair blocking her view...uh, well, sorry...) could not ruin it for me. They played a mix of old tracks, new tracks, and old school shit to keep the crowd hype. It was such a beautiful thang! I am officially a fan...ahhhh....

It’s getting late, and I have to get to Mr. Kitty, but I will finish up tomorrow! I'm gonna share more about the concert, but hang on to your hats, b/c just when you thought this was good, FRIDAY night was off da hook, too! LOL

All Late and After The Fact

2005-11-08T18:49:00.000-05:00

But so what, I don't care, lol. I got tagged by Alli at a time when I wasn't up on my reading...so...here goes nuthin'...

7 things I plan to do before I die:
Re-learn French.
Get out of debt.
Own property.
Visit Africa.
Work for myself.
Have a family of my own.
Adopt more pets.

7 things I can do:
Work with my hands. (in more ways than one)
Lend a listening ear.
Watch TV all damn day and only get out of bed to pee.
Tie a cherry stem in a knot w/my tongue. (this I have done a couple times, so it counts, dammit!)
Write poetry.
Spoil my kitty (cat).
Comfort a friend.

7 things I cannot do:
Iceskate or rollerblade.
Ride a horse. (although, I've never done it, so maybe I can, I just don't know)
Stick to a budget.
Deal w/random bullsht.
Get anywhere on time. (most of the time)
Add huge numbers in my head.
Cry on request. (I'll laugh instead)

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
Intellect.
Generosity.
Kindness.
Consistency.
nice, FULL Lips.
Broad shoulders/back.
A little bit of a bad boy. (but not too bad..let's not get it twisted!)

7 things that I say most often:
Yeah...aiiight!
Whatever, Loser.
Say word...
Da fck/Da hell???
R U Serious???
I'm sayin', yo...
Girl, please!

7 celebrity crushes:
Adam Rodriguez (CSI: Miami)
Orlando Bloom
Maxwell
Damon Wayans
Ice Cube
Allen Iverson
Matthew McConaughey
**added BONUS**
Fiddy CENTS's body (yeah, just the body, thanks...)

Saw This And I Couldn't Resist

2005-11-07T13:51:00.000-05:00

This is what Mr. K would have done for me had he had the resources...lol :)

It's My BIRTHDAY...It's My BIRTHDAY...

2005-11-05T17:39:00.000-05:00

Another year of life granted, another year of opportunity given...

I'll Always Be in Love With...

2005-11-03T18:47:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I saw that "cracked out" picture of K-Ci, Tevin and Al B. a friend of mine sent me. And the first two DEFINITELY looked like they've been dried up and spit out from the throws of a crackpaloosa. But, my baby, my heart, should still be my first baby's daddy, Al B. Sure! is still sexy to me. Just the sight of this man (and especially this photo) makes me want to do very explicit things...

His lips are unbelievable. I hope he knows how succulent they still are. What can I say??? I've had a crush on this cat since I was in middle school (or jr. high for the NYCers). I have a long history of countless fantasies about him and I and all the stuff we would do (that I actually had no clue about) while listening to my Nite and Day 45. Oh Hell yes, I had a 45 of this single that I used to play on my aunt's stereo in her basement back in the day!! Oh HELL yes!!!

The few times I made it to NYC as a child, I would think of him as I hungered after the cute boys with the high-top fades as we drove by. To see this man is to take me back to a time of innocence and sweetness nearly forgotten. I searched his music on MSN and couldn't help but grin ear to frickin' ear as I lip sync'd the words to every song from In Effect Mode. Al B. will always hold a special place in my heart. He's so dear to me...

However, should I see said man on the street, now that I'm grown, he is in SO MUCH TROUBLE!!! LOL

Still Enslaved

2005-10-31T17:47:00.000-05:00

I visited the “Slavery in New York” exhibition at the New York Historical Society on Saturday. There is some interesting information presented, but it primarily served to strengthen my opinion that blacks are entitled to reparations. After viewing the various panels and stations, it is quite evident that just as in the south, slave labor is the cornerstone of what made New York City much of what it is today. It was on the backs of my ancestors that the foundation for the world’s premier financial capital was built, and I believe that this government owes us for that contribution.

At first I couldn’t quite place my finger on what I felt was missed as I viewed the documents, the timelines, the videos, re-enactments, etc. But later, I realized that the way the information was presented gave me the impression that slavery here was not that bad. As if it were some unfortunate event that occurred, but look, some of the slaves were eventually able to free themselves...look at what all they accomplished.

On a spring night in 1712, after the moon set, two slaves set fire to a building on the property of back Peter Vantilborough. They then ran to a nearby orchard and joined other slaves who were waiting quietly in the darkness. There wer more than 20 of them, and they were all holding guns, knives, or hatchets. When neighbors noticed the fire and came running to put it out, the slaves attacked and killed nine white people. The governor sent troops to capture blacks thought to be involved. Six slaves committed suicide rather than be taken. Thirty-nine others were charged with the crimes. Mars was one of several blacks charged with killing Adrian Beekman.

This was the first big uprising of slaves in New York. Most of the blacks belonged to the Coromantee or Pawpaw people of West Africa. Most had only been in New York City for a year or two. They were just beginning to understand what it meant to be a slave here. In West Africa, a slave could eventually become absorbed into the owner’s family. When these Africans learned that in New York they would always be slaves, they started planning their rebellion.

The trials began within days, and most were quick. Some people were tried, found guilty, and executed in a single day. Mars’s owner, Jacob Regnier, testified at his trial. He may have spoken in Mars’s favor, because Mars was found not guilty. The Attorney General had an old feud with Regnier, and decided to try Mars again for killing Beekman. Mars was found not guilty at the second trial, too, but the Attorney General was not finished. He ordered a third trial of Mars, and charged him with a different murder. This time, Mars was found guilty and sentenced to be hanged. It was June 7, 1712.

Then Royal Governor Hunter stepped in. He thought the Attorney General was using Mars just to get back at his old enemy, Regnier. The governor issued a reprieve for Mars, and wrote to England for an official pardon. Mars had to wait in jail until the pardon arrived in October, but then his case was finally settled. He was not hanged, and he was returned to Regnier as his slave.
"Regnier's Mars", New York Amsterdam News, October 7, 2005 - March 5, 2005, p. 6

I guess we should all be so happy that this fortunate slave was given "justice". That someone had enough sense to see though the bullsht into what was really going on, and petition for his pardon. And why wouldn't Regnier testify---most likely favorably---on Mars's behalf? Mars was his property after all, and worth quite a bit of money, I imagine. And lucky for Mars he is freed from jail to return to the shackles of slavery. I would surmise that his master took quite a lashing to him for putting him through all that trouble of trying to keep him from getting hanged in the first place and for lost labor. Yeah, what justice. hanged in the first place and for lost labor. Yeah, what justice.

want to go back and take my sweet az time because I want to make sure I cover everything, and leave no script unread or visual unseen. I can’t recall seeing any evidence of the beatings, lynching and hangings and so forth which depict the fcking brutality and dehumanization my people suffered at the hands of the Dutch and the British. And to me, that’s huge. If other cultures want to have a greater understanding of what my ancestors when through here, then let’s lay it all out on the table. cultures want to have a greater understanding of what my ancestors when through here, the

This kind of commentary can lead in soooo many different directions. But one thing that comes prominently to mind is that our oppressors understand from history what can happen when an angry people come together to organize and mobilize to revolt.

2005-10-27T17:22:00.000-04:00

Change is a process we cannot control or manipulate.
It is a process we must allow.
-Iyanla Vanzant

Do You Have What It Takes To BE?

2005-10-26T18:04:00.000-04:00

One of the most difficult and challenging things to do is to allow yourself to be vulnerable in some way to someone else. Being vulnerable is an extraordinary act latent with fear, yet full of hope of boundless reward. To be vulnerable is to overcome your fear of rejection, abuse, misuse, neglect, criticism; to overcome your insecurities about yourself or how you think the other person may see you. To be vulnerable is to let down your guard and all your defenses and allow someone else to see the real you. To be vulnerable is to lay bare your soul in hopes that the one you reveal the deepest, innermost part of your being to will accept you. To be vulnerable is to expose all parts of you: good, bad, ugly and beautiful, rather than showing someone only what you want them to see.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable requires two things: TRUST and COURAGE

Either you have to trust that the other person is sincere and wouldn’t intentionally hurt you, or...complete trust in your own ability to cope with the consequences, whatever they may be, of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And the courage to make that leap...

I don’t trust too many ppl these days. I’ve been betrayed way too much, so I tend to keep my guard up with everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are. There are maybe four ppl who mean more to me than the whole world, and while those ppl don’t know everything about me, I share more w/them than anyone else. God is the only One who knows all...even the things I don’t admit to myself...

But like any other person, I also long to be able to share the depths of my self w/someone, to have that soul connection w/another. It gets lonely having to carry every care, worry and weight by yourself. It gets weary. But not everyone is meant to be trusted. There are ppl out there who will use your vulnerability against you for their own benefit...manipulate you to further their agenda.

Maybe I masquerade as a cynic pretending to be a realist, but is really an optimist at heart, lol Who knows. But I know that no matter how much I might scoff at the idea of letting someone get that close to me, inside I long for that very closeness...to be naked to someone and feel safe, understood and protected.

Deep inside, we all want that whether we have the courage to admit it or not.

***************************

In case you were wondering:

BIG DOG: Always have the courage to say what you think...

LIL DOG: Idiot.

Answers In The Stars?

2005-10-20T18:44:00.000-04:00

Weekly Forecast for October 17, 2005
Provided by Astrology.com Monthly Forecast

Look out for conflict as the week begins. Monday could find you butting heads with someone who doesn't share your point of view, but a little selflessness on your part could defuse the situation. From Monday evening through Wednesday, you might still find yourself at odds with the ideas and agendas of others, but the competition is apt to be much more good-natured and spirited. Fight a good fight, but be willing to find a compromise, too. On Thursday and Friday, read the fine print. The devil is in the details right now, especially where risks are involved. This weekend, surrender control and go with the flow.
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Many ppl live their lives by their horoscopes. They decide what to wear, where to go, who to date/love/sleep or live with, or how to act based on their weekly, monthly or daily readings. Personally, I think that’s ridiculous. I don’t have anything against those who subscribe to this way of living, but to be ruled by the alignment of the stars, sun and moon for everything or to use it as an explanation for everything is nuts. And in saying this, I don’t mean that I think there’s no merit in astrology because I believe that there is some, but still, it’s not the end all be all...or at least maybe shouldn’t be...

I realized this week that I have not been completely myself, so to speak. Some of my family members can tell you that I can be a dark and brooding person sometimes, but that’s generally not the way I like to live life. But, there are times when that “darkness” consumes me. I found myself praying more because I didn’t like the place I was in emotionally, mentally and spiritually and was hoping to find some relief. I’d been a bitch to just about every single person who crossed my path...enemy, friend, stranger or otherwise...and I really didn’t care.

Even though I used my “circumstances” as an excuse for my behavior, I enjoyed being in control of my emotions. Usually I feel so out of control when it comes to a lot of things in my life—never mind everything is a consequence of some decision I made—but definitely not my emotions. So there has been something about this time that has been empowering for me in an odd sort of way. I have seen the promised land of choosing how I’m going to feel about something (good, bad, or otherwise) versus trying to control situations, circumstances or ppl. I have experienced the potential and reward of relaxing the tight-assed grip I’ve had on things either out of fear or insecurity. But don’t get shit twisted, misconstrued or confused. You won’t hear me shouting Invictus from the Empire State building, lol.

When I was growing up, one of my aunts used to often say (and every once in a while even now) that I brother and I are always so serious, that we walk around like we have the “weight of the world” on our shoulders. O is a Taurus and I’m a Scorpio. It seems our signs were made for this sort of thing. I’d also been looking for “answers” as to what has been causing me to feel the way I have these past weeks, hence the horoscope above. Anyone could interpret this reading a myriad of ways. It’s pretty general for the most part. There are a couple aspects of it, though that I feel are relevant: reading the fine print, and surrendering control. Both of which I’m well aware, but it’s a confirmation of sorts, if you will. While this didn’t give me the answers I’ve been looking for, it gently guided me to an insight into my situation. Scorpios are often characterized by what can sometimes be a venomous nature. Scorpions tend to sting others in attack or self-defense or themselves in chaos or inner turmoil. And in that turmoil if another interferes in some way, well, that one’s getting stung too.

I’ve been in extreme inner turmoil for one reason or another. My life has been quite stress-filled, and I was driving myself crazy (and making myself sick) trying to fix everything, bugging out over things that I could not change and expending way too much energy on wanting other ppl to be, to do, or to say what I wanted them to. I know, I know. This is stuff that everyone knows and it’s no mystery, really, but still there’s something about having to come to certain realizations and a level of understanding for yourself. And I had to come into that place. This was my time.

Some folklore associates the Scorpio with the Eagle and sometimes the Phoenix. The eagle generally represents ascension to a higher level of being spiritually. It also symbolizes the scorpio that has risen above “earthbound limitations”. But don’t be fooled; the eagle is still a bird of prey and delivers a swift and deadly blow, they say. The phoenix, on the other hand, represents complete transformation in the scorpio, the negative or weak aspects of scorpio burned away while the transformed and renewed scorpio rises from the ashes.

Scorpios are emotional, passionate and intense ppl, and that’s generally just how it is. So imagine how intense my turmoil was for me. My conclusion is that I’ve been burning some things out of my way of thinking in order to garner a more empowered, effective, kick-ass me. :)

A Glimpse Of Paradise

2005-10-13T17:46:00.000-04:00

Sierra with HOT Hawaiian honey...yum! ;)

Sierra kicking ass on a surfboard on her first try! :)

Maya Angelou Speaks...

2005-10-11T12:19:00.000-04:00

Published September 12, 2005

I'm not mad at Barbara Bush, or Fox News' Bill O'Reilly. Or even at U.S. Rep. Richard Baker (R-La.).

Maya Angelou says, "That when people show you who they are, believe them the first time".
So, no, I am not mad at them.

Not at the former first lady for suggesting that Hurricane Katrina evacuees living shoulder to shoulder in the Houston Astrodome were now better off than they were living in poverty in New Orleans.

Not at Fox News' conservative talk-show host, who maintains that the lesson poor children should learn from Katrina is that all they have to do is educate themselves and work hard and they will be able to avoid being left behind on the "metaphorical rooftop."

Not at the Republican from Baton Rouge, who The Wall Street Journal reported was overheard telling lobbyists: "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did."

Despite the public comments, the private ones made in segregated company (by conservatives and liberals) likely have been even more crass and unbelievable.

The hurricane indeed has shed a light. The spin masters in the Bush administration have done a glowing job over the last several years of pretending that America has achieved a color-blind, class-blind society. Look around you, they say. Look at Condi and Alberto, or Colin and Clarence. All are credits to their race. What inequities? What ghettos? What barriors?
For some time now, the underclass has been kept off camera, rendered invisible, its voices muted.

But now that the hurricane has reminded us that, there are Americans too impoverished to leave their community even when a great storm is hurtling toward them, it's not surprising that many are shocked by it.

Including the compassionate conservatives, who, in scrambling to say something pithy and nice, are speaking off the cuff and unwittingly revealing themselves:

"Almost everyone I have talked to says, "we're going to move to Houston," the former first lady told National Public Radio's "Marketplace." She was referring to the evacuees in the Astrodome.
What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them."

I suppose it takes tragedy to shock us, to reveal us.

Until the E2 nightclub disaster here, many well-meaning Chicagoans weren't aware that the city had its share of segregated nightclubs. In Chicago today, there are still places where African-Americans (and not all poor) go so they don't have to dance around the color line.

I guess I'm not mad about the comments from the ! elite or the unknowing. Wealthy people get to choose whether they want to understand or dealwith poverty. Many have chosen to and have been unfailing advocates for the poor.

What's far more disappointing are those who come from humble beginnings and who now have the king's ear, but have remained silent.

It's as though they've been struck with a form of selective amnesia. They can recall their humble beginnings during, election time or a confirmation hearing, but how soon they forget.
They're the ones who should be explaining to the Bill O'Reillys of the world that, yes, education is key and hard work a necessity.

But this also is true: A Black or Hispanic PhD. who tries to hail a cab late at night will probably be profiled just like any other black person.

Maybe someone could explain to Mrs. Bush that being huddled in a stadium not knowing where other family members are and the uncertainty about the future does not translate into an experience that's "working out well for them."

Maybe someone could explain to the Baton Rouge congressman why now isn't the time to be flip about cleaning up public housing and God should be left out of this.

No, I'm not mad at members of the elite. They're merely saying aloud what they've been thinking.

It just shows us that "the line" and "the spin" can go only so far before--thank heavens--the spool eventually runs out.

Don't Push Me, Cuz I'm Close To Tha Edge...

2005-10-07T17:49:00.000-04:00

Like any other person, I have a threshold on the amount of bullsht I can take from other people before I have to let them go. The more I learn about others and about myself through interaction with others, the less tolerance I have for nonsense.

I’m sick of other people trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty for or ignorant about a choice they made b/c they’re not happy w/my response to it. Oh well. Shoulda thought about that one before you made said choice.

But like I said, the more I learn about people, the more I learn about myself. One thing I’ve realized, but am slowly coming to grips with, is that ppl are who they are and they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do regardless of what anyone else may think or feel about it. And you know what? Everyone has that right. However, when that sht infringes on me and you start fcking w/my sht, that’s when we have a problem. And I don’t have to put up with it.

I’m done w/relationships/friendships that require absolutely too much work. How can you build any trust when the other person is not willing to open up...at all??? Believe me, I understand self-preservation, defense mechanisms and all that sht. I do/use those tactics myself b/c no one wants to get hurt. But, the bottom line is that we are all going to be hurt at some point in time by someone. It’s LIFE, and it happens. And as much as we try to avoid it or head it off at the pass, somehow it will still find it’s way to us. I don’t like it when ppl want to know all of my sht, but aren’t willing to be open w/me. Maybe that person is using those tactics...or maybe I just can’t trust yo azz...

And what exactly is being as azhole going to accomplish?

Good Ol' G DubbYah

2005-10-06T12:02:00.000-04:00

October 5, 2005

All the President's Women
By MAUREEN DOWD

I hope President Bush doesn't have any more office wives tucked away in the White House.

There are only so many supremely powerful jobs to give to women who are not qualified to get them.

The West Wing is a parallel universe to TV's Wisteria Lane: instead of self-indulgent desperate housewives wary of sexy nannies, there are self-sacrificing, buttoned-up nannies serving as adoring work wives, catering to W.'s every political, legal and ego-affirming need.

Maybe it's because his mom was not adoring enough, but more tart and prickly, even telling her son, the president, not to put his feet up on her coffee table. Or maybe it's because, as his wife says, his kinship with his mom gives him a desire to be around strong, "very natural" women. But W. loves being surrounded by tough women who steadfastly devote their entire lives to doting on him, like the vestal virgins guarding the sacred fire, serving as custodians for his values and watchdogs for his reputation.

First he elevated Condi Rice to secretary of state, even though she had bungled her job as national security adviser, failing to bring a sense of urgency to warnings about terrorism aimed at America before 9/11, and acting more as an enabler than honest broker in the push to invade Iraq.

But what were these limitations, considering the time the workaholic bachelorette logged at W.'s side in Crawford and Camp David, coaching him on foreign affairs, talking sports with him, exercising with him, making him feel like the most thoughtful, farsighted he-man in the world?

Then he elevated his longtime aide, speechwriter, memoir ghostwriter and cheerleader Karen Hughes to undersecretary of state for public diplomacy, even though it is exceedingly hard for the 6-foot Texan to try and spin a billion Muslims whom she doesn't understand the first thing about.

But who cares about her lack of expertise in such a critical job, as long as the workaholic loyalist continues to make her old boss feel like the most thoughtful, farsighted he-man in the world?

And now he has nominated his White House counsel and former personal lawyer, Harriet Miers, to a crucial swing spot on the Supreme Court. The stolid Texan, called "Harry" by some old friends, is a bachelorette who was known for working long hours, sometimes 16-hour days, and was a frequent guest at Camp David and the Crawford ranch, where she helped W. clear brush.

Like Ms. Hughes and Laura Bush, she's a graduate of Southern Methodist, and she has always been there for W. In 1998, during his re-election race for governor, Harry handled the first questions about whether Mr. Bush had received favorable treatment to get into the Texas Air National Guard to avoid the draft. Though the former Democrat once gave a grand to Al Gore in '88, she passed the loyalty test for W. during the Bush v. Gore standoff in 2000, when she recruited conservative lawyers to work for the Bush scion in Tallahassee.
But who cares whether she has no judicial experience, and that no one knows what she believes or how she would rule from a bench she's never been behind, as long as the reason her views are so mysterious is that she's subordinated them to W.'s, making him feel like the most thoughtful, farsighted he-man in the world?
David Frum, the former White House speechwriter and conservative commentator, reported on his blog that Ms. Miers once told him that W. was the most brilliant man she knew.

Bushie and Harriet share the same born-again Christian faith, which they came to in midlife, deciding to adopt Jesus Christ as their saviors. The Washington Post reported that she tithes to the Valley View Christian Church in Dallas, "where antiabortion literature is sometimes distributed and tapes from the conservative group Focus on the Family are sometimes screened," and where, when she returns, Ms. Miers asks well-wishers to pray for her and the president.

Born Catholic, she switched to evangelical Christianity in her mid-30's and began to identify more with the Republicans than the Democrats, The Times reports today; she joined the missions committee of her church, which opposed legalized abortion, and one former political associate said that Ms. Miers told her she had been in favor of a woman's right to have an abortion when she was younger, but that her views hardened against abortion once she became born again.

W. is asking for a triple leap of faith. He has faith in Ms. Miers as his lawyer and as a woman who shares his faith. And we're expected to have faith in his faith and her faith, and her opinions that derive from her faith that could change the balance of the court and affect women's rights for the next generation.

That's a little bit too much faith, isn't it?

Relishing This Indian Summer

2005-10-04T15:56:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I think about what could have been when the load I carry seems a bit heavier than before. Very often I wish that I could share the burden of expenses (this is no cheap place to live) so my life could be just that [ ] much easier and not as overwhelming. I could have been married by now. One of my ex’s had talked about getting married even though he was in NC in the armed forces and I had just moved to the city. He would’ve been able to get a living stipend to cover some of my rent. I know, it’s like, what the hell is wrong w/you that you so willingly walked away from that. My answer: Even though I cared about him a lot, he got on my nerves and I fell out of “love”. “Love” as in the idealized version of love. In addition to just being young and selfish, I constantly tried to mold him into what I wanted him to be rather than simply accepting him as he was. In truth, he’s better off w/someone who can do that; I’m better off living that lesson. Hopefully I will have the good sense to put it into practice, not just for a man, but for everyone. People are who they are, and if they change it should be b/c they want to, not b/c you want them to. It’s usually only when I feel burdened by everything that I think this way...allow myself to imagine idealized and romanticized scenarios of what a better life would be. There are things that I want to change, but am not sure how to and other things that I’m afraid to change. At times I think I’ve been sitting still too long...

****************************************************************************

This is ENJOY AUTUMN week for me. The plan was to do something in the city every night this week, and hope that I live to tell the tale, lol. Well, I went out last night to Bogart’s, and had a great time. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it turned out okay. Dancing is my thing, so as long as I get to do that, I’m good. And dance I did, LOL. I wore one of the brothas out and got myself a healthy dose of exercise. :) (I don’t exercise, and that is another story by itself...) I hadn’t planned to have too much fun, but somehow it crept up on me, lol. Thanks, girlie for such a good time.

Tonight is for rest, recovery and maintenance. I’d only slept for a few hours last night, but managed to make it through today. And I am still surprised that I’ve held up as well as I have w/out the aid of any stimulants. I kid you not! I haven’t had any caffeine today, and I’ve stayed awake all day. There was a moment that I almost folded, but a few ppl came by to speak w/me, and that helped. I’m not completely crazy, and I’m not in my 20s anymore so I am consigned to acknowledge my limitations. Tomorrow w/b something mellow and relaxed, most likely cultural and Thursday is a concert. So far, things are looking really good...

Exhausted!

2005-10-03T14:37:00.000-04:00

The weekend was good, but was sooo tiring! I am still pooped; almost didn’t make it in this morning, but somehow, I pushed through the exhaustion. My plan last week was to be a “daredevil” this week and go to as much stuff in the city as possible. Crazy, I know. My defense is that I was high off optimism and good feelings, and I thought that I could do it. Mmmm...but I haven’t quite given up yet.

We will see what happens. *wink*

Are We Always Going To Have To Deal With This Shit?!?!

2005-09-30T13:14:00.000-04:00

I'm putting this out now b/c I have to at least get some of this out of my system. There's a lot of research I want to do before I really get into this discussion. But, to say the least, I am outraged beyond belief. I shake my head in disbelief that 1) this was said (though, should I really be this shocked? but instead expect off the bat asinine shit like this?) and 2) there are so many out there who continue to be deluded that racism does not exist...that we are all treated equally now that Jim Crow, segregation, etc has been "abolished". What a joke.

Bill Bennett: "[Y]ou could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down"

Addressing a caller's suggestion that the "lost revenue from the people who have been aborted in the last 30 years" would be enough to preserve Social Security's solvency, radio host and former Reagan administration Secretary of Education Bill Bennett dismissed such "far-reaching, extensive extrapolations" by declaring that if "you wanted to reduce crime ... if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." Bennett conceded that aborting all African-American babies "would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do," then added again, "but the crime rate would go down."

Bennett's remark was apparently inspired by the claim that legalized abortion has reduced crime rates, which was posited in the book Freakonomics (William Morrow, May 2005) by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner. But Levitt and Dubner argued that aborted fetuses would have been more likely to grow up poor and in single-parent or teenage-parent households and therefore more likely to commit crimes; they did not put forth Bennett's race-based argument.

From the September 28 broadcast of Salem Radio Network's Bill Bennett's Morning in America:

CALLER: I noticed the national media, you know, they talk a lot about the loss of revenue, or the
inability of the government to fund Social Security, and I was curious, and I've read articles in recent months here, that the abortions that have happened since Roe v. Wade, the lost revenue from the people who have been aborted in the last 30-something years, could fund Social Security as we know it today. And the media just doesn't -- never touches this at all.

BENNETT: Assuming they're all productive citizens?

CALLER: Assuming that they are. Even if only a portion of them were, it would be an enormous amount of revenue.

BENNETT: Maybe, maybe, but we don't know what the costs would be, too. I think as -- abortion disproportionately occur among single women? No.

CALLER: I don't know the exact statistics, but quite a bit are, yeah.

BENNETT: All right, well, I mean, I just don't know. I would not argue for the pro-life position based on this, because you don't know. I mean, it cuts both -- you know, one of the arguments in this book Freakonomics that they make is that the declining crime rate, you know, they deal with this hypothesis, that one of the reasons crime is down is that abortion is up. Well --

CALLER: Well, I don't think that statistic is accurate.

BENNETT: Well, I don't think it is either, I don't think it is either, because first of all, there is just too much that you don't know. But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think,
tricky.

Bill Bennett's Morning in America airs on approximately 115 radio stations with an estimated weekly audience of 125 million listeners.
*****************************************************************************

Article and comments worth reading: TPM Cafe
The live link to the above article
A book these assholes should be reading: BLINK

Rebirth Is Begun

2005-09-29T17:43:00.000-04:00

I don’t know if it’s something in the water, the smog-polluted air or in the antibiotics I’m taking, but I’m feeling pretty optimistic these days. I posted a poem last night b/c I was feeling inspired, and I’m still experiencing the afterglow. My night at home was uneventful, but in a good way. I had what I’ll call “dinner” then relaxed with a book for the rest of the night. Thanks to the handy dandy medication I have to take four times a day, I figured out that from the time I wake in the morning until I go to sleep, I have a 15-hour day. I also figured out that my bedtime will be 10:00 pm. There will be exceptions to this, of course, but now I have a guideline.

Those who know me pretty well may have already guessed or have sensed that I like structure. While I don’t always adhere to it, I like it being in place for when things are beginning to run amok. I complained to my friends about things being “off” last week. My diet (as in the food I eat, not diet-diet, lol) has consisted of things I either don’t eat very often or had stopped eating, for the most part. Not a good look. Then, I wasn’t sleeping well. Stress is also a part of the equation, but my mattress plays a role, too. Been needing to correct that for a while...lol So...I am quite excited to have something of a “schedule”...*giggle* I know it sounds so dorky, but I can’t help myself. Anything that will make my life a little more organized...

Secretly, the underlying value in this is to exert some sort of “control” over my life...muah ha ha ha haaa...*rubbing hands*

"L" is for Loser

2005-09-28T13:21:00.000-04:00

In The News: “Brownie” faces a congressional inquiry and has to explain what went wrong in the relief effort staged by FEMA for Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama.

Of course he proceeds to blame everyone: Mayor Nagin and Governor Blanco, the police department, the state legislatures, etc---everyone but himself. One members of the committee told him he was clueless, and couldn’t believe that he would not take responsibility for what happened.

Michael Brown’s defense was that he could have done more, had he realized that Louisiana was “dysfunctional”. I’m surprised no one on the committee gave him the “L” for “Loser” b/c this guy definitely deserves it. The bottom line is that he did not utilize the resources available so that people on the gulf coast would be evacuated effectively or so aid would be ready to go as soon as the storm had passed. Anyone who lead the Arabian Horse Association for a living should not be in charge of saving people’s lives.

And who is going to point the finger at good ‘ol G Dubyah for making such an outstanding choice when appointing the director of FEMA? Can the “good old boy” network be any more blatant?!?! Clearly, Michael Brown was not qualified to head up an agency as critical as FEMA, yet, there he was.

In Midnight

2005-09-27T17:47:00.000-04:00

At the onset of dawn and break of day,
I watched you as you slept,
filling my eyes with the essence of you
as you inhaled and exhaled beauty
in living dreams and cast realities
colored with tranquility and ease
as I slowly drank in the sight of you,
only to tease my insatiable thirst.

When I think of you, I am arrested
with yearning and desire
to reach places the eyes and hands
can't see or touch
with unyielding determination
to connect and truly identify with
the elements of you
with limitless and infinite aptitude...

I haven't really created for a little while, and I'm getting that itch. I'm feeling the mood to write, but am looking for just the write inspiration. Usually music is my muse...and I'm a neglectful courtier because on many occasion I have left him hanging (and not in a good way, lol). I need to have him over to gaze into his eyes and recollect the intimate moments we have had; relive the memories of our connection...

The above is an excerpt of a piece I'd written several years ago. Enjoy!

Under Construction

2005-09-27T14:18:00.000-04:00

There’s nothing I hate worse than feeling embarrassed, humiliated and exposed. It's like standing in the check out line with a bunch of items only to realize you don't have any money...and everyone's waiting impatiently behind you. It’s a feeling like being walked in on as you are getting out of the shower or of someone catching you in the act of something you didn't want everyone to see. What I felt this morning could compare in some ways, but more accurately, it’s like the feeling you get when you think of how God would feel if He actually walked in on something you were doing that in your heart you knew you shouldn’t be. You’d feel embarrassed and exposed, and even on some level..angry. Maybe you’d want to be angry with Him..for walking in on you, for exposing you, for making you feel vulnerable...but how could you be angry when you are the one responsible?

That’s the ugly; the beauty in the situation is that now it’s all out in the open, you can fix it. You can change and rearrange; modify this, tinker with that; do whatever’s necessary to make sure that if this area was opened up again, you would feel at ease. No worries because you’ve been working on it. It may not be perfect, but at least you are trying. That’s the beauty.

I read in a horoscope (mine) a while back that people don’t tend to change until they are in crisis mode...until the worst is about to happen, the other shoe’s about to drop, then they want to do something about their situation. Other times, it’s not until the most dreaded has happened that one steps to the plate to make changes. It’s really too late at that point to save what you had. If things have been bad for a while, then there’s nothing to be done to keep this person/place/thing in your life. The trick is to be proactive and head situations off at the pass. That could mean finally taking the time necessary to clean up whatever mess it is that you’ve made before someone/something comes along and forces you to. Take ownership of your weaknesses and work on making them strengths. Or risk experiencing those feelings again.

September is usually my time for reflection. Most of the time it’s been about my life overall. Am I satisfied w/my life? What areas can I improve upon? Where should I be more consistent? Stuff like that. This time, it’s a little different. I feel more of a yearning, a longing for more. More out of life, more out of career, more out of everything...and I want to have that. In the book I’m reading, CHOOSE ME by Xenia Ruiz, a statement jumped out at me, and I was feeling it, b/c it pretty much hit the nail on the head of my spirit. It read, “The power of life and death might be on the tongue, but the power of happiness and discontent [is] in the mind.”

I have to swish that around in my mind for a while...

What Kind of LOVE Do You Have?

2005-09-26T13:57:00.000-04:00

PROLOGUE

In the beginning, you think you know what love is.

With the help of the Creator, you are conceived out of love between a man and a woman, your mother and father, who planned you---in some instances—and if not, you’d like to think so. You are born of your mother, who carries you for nine months, protects you in her womb, and then gives brith to you in pain, a pain that dissipates as soon as she sees you are intact, with ten fingers, ten toes. Love is a blessing.

As you grow, you slowly learn what love is because you are helpless and your parents are there to provide for your every need. They love you, no matter what you do, even when you don’t deserve it. Love is unconditional.

Later, you think you really know what love is because even though your parents don’t understand you, there’s someone who does. You hear and see love mentioned over and over in songs, books and films. You use gifts, flowers and cards to express love. Love is commercialism and materialism.

As you get older, and presumably wiser, love becomes a deeper emotion that you express with feelings, words, your hands, your lips, your body, your heart and your soul over and over and over again. Love is desire, passion and sex.

As the years go by, your definition of love narrows. You start to notice you are running out of time and you must find your true love. Or you start to believe that the one you are with is your soul mate and even if you do not love him---or her---it no longer matters anymore because love is about needing and wanting. Love is about not being alone.

And then one day, you realize that the things that mattered before---the physical, the material and the sexual---no longer apply and what really matters is that you have someone to talk to, someone to listen to you, someone who gives you peace. Love is companionship, friendship, trust and commitment.

Finally, in the end, you know that the true meaning of love is the biggest example of selfless love, the greatest gift of all. You know that love, REAL love, is about sacrifice.

In the end, as in the beginning, LOVE IS A BLESSING.

Choose Me by Xenia Ruiz © 2005

He's Got It Like DAT?!?!

2005-09-21T14:25:00.000-04:00

Plenty of ppl have been to my apt and know that it’s on the top floor, beneath a roof deck that all the residents have access to. Usually, it’s pretty quiet. But, there have been a couple times that the noise going on up there has been too much. Once, I went up to ask whoever was up there to chill out, and some little girl (well, not really that little---she was probably pre-teen) was doing cartwheels. Okay, Ima need you to not be doin’ freakin’ cartwheels over my head while I’m trying to watch TV. How ‘bout dat? I went up w/a bit of attitude, and she kindly refrained from continuing said activity.

The thing is, if you don’t live in the top floor apartments, you wouldn’t know that the deck has no sort of insulation to absorb the shock of heavy walking, stomping, cartwheel-turning, or whatever. Bottom line is, I hear it all.

Well, this morning, I’m awakened to what sounds like creaking. Whatever this is, it’s causing enough vibration to make my curtains tremble. I kid you not! I check the clock, and it’s 6:40 am. I don’t know what this ruckus is, but I give it a few seconds to see if it will stop. I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. Whatever it is, however, it’s still going. Under different circumstances, I might have just tried going back to sleep, but this day, I’m heated. I haven’t been sleeping well for some time now, and I’m not happy to be awakened out of a dream (meaning I’m sleepin’ some kind of dmn good!).

I throw on a pair of jeans and a jacket and proceed down the hall. Every few steps I listen to see if this “creaking” has stopped. Then it starts up again. WTF!! Oh, I am determined at this point to go have a word when it dawns on me. What if someone is up there getting all kinds of grooves on?!!? Oh sht. Then a devious smile spreads across my lips. What if. I listen again, and it’s quiet for a moment, then “en-hick, en-hick, en-hick, en-hick...” Clearly, whoever this cat is, he is banging that sht some kinda sumpin’, cuz DAY-HAM!! Cause if I can hear it, then you know... *eyes rolling upward* ...homeboy’s got it like that!

Well, even w/that in mind, I figure that if I’m not getting any, then no one else is. I felt like the Grinch, b/c I was truly about to go steal somebody’s Christmas, LOL! I couldn’t help but laugh. Yeah, boy...this was gonna be some sht... Just as I was about to head out the door, I realized that I needed to have a plan. I could get up there and see all kinds of buck nekked azzez, legs, arms and elbows. What the hell was I gonna do then?? How do you handle something like that? Wow. Hadn’t thought about it like that. Then, out of nowhere, I was like, what if it’s two DUDES??!?!?! OMG. What the hell then?? Whoa, cuz I don’t want to see that sht!!

For a moment, I reconsidered my quest. I may walk into something that could change me forever. Was I prepared for that possibility?? But, then again, it might be worth it just to see the looks on these people’s faces. Hey, this is what happens when you do what you do up on the roof. It’s the butt-crack of dawn, but this is the chance you take. I can’t reclaim my last minutes of peaceful dreaming, but I can let you know about it. In my mind I give these folks one last chance to rectify the sitiashun, then “en-hick, en-hick, en-hick, en-hick...” Of course I had to forge ahead at this point. Plus, I was already “dressed”. I hadn’t washed my face, brushed any teeth or fluffed out the afro that was all out of shape and flat on one side in the back. T hese ppl had to see that they woke me right up out the bed. The damage has been done.

I proceed to walk up to the door leading out on to the roof deck, and I see the door is slightly ajar---another confirmation that someone’s up there. I take a DEEP breath then push the door open. It makes enough noise that I figure it should give whoever up here a chance to begin collecting themselves. Luckily for me, the door opens to the left and not the right, so even when you open it you still don’t see anything until you walk around it. This gave me a couple seconds, then “en-hick, en-hick, en-hick, en-hick...” Wow. This is it. I was nervous now, but went ahead anyway.

I walk slowly around the door, preparing myself for the absolute worst possible scenario as I went, only to find....you ready for this....

...One of my neighbors JUMPING ROPE on the roof deck!!! Now ain’t that some sht??

I almost couldn’t believe that that’s what I’d been hearing, b/c believe me when I tell you that it sho sounded like something else. At the same time, though, I have to admit that I was relieved. I didn’t want to have to deal w/see nekked bodies thrashing around or falling this way and that trying to make it back to their apt. However exciting it may sound to some, I wasn’t ready to see anything like that.

Well, I spoke to my neighbor and asked her if she could jump rope in a different area of the deck. She was cool about it. Said she’s been doing this for two months. Huh??? TWO MONTHS?!?! This was certainly the first I’d heard what I heard, so I don’t know. Either way, she’s aware now.

I think that’s what some would call good neighborly relations...lol

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

2005-09-20T11:11:00.000-04:00

I've been having trouble getting my laptop to work, so I haven't been able to post like I've wanted to. I have the results of a poll I'd taken amongst some friends of mine, and I am eager to share the results. Hopefully, I can get them up some time today. The responses I received, while not surprising, were still pretty interesting....

More to come...

It Put A Smile On MY Face

2005-09-15T09:46:00.000-04:00

UNBELIVABLE MATH PROBLEM

1. Grab a calculator. (You wont be able to do this in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last four numbers of your phone number
7. Add the last four numbers of your phone number again
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

This Is What Happens When...

2005-09-14T13:14:00.000-04:00

...you fall behind on your posts...

Here are a couple I tried to sneak in on the sly to show that I have been working on my blog, but just hadn't gotten around to publishing. I know, I'm a LoooSER! :P

My Best Friend

2005-09-14T13:12:00.000-04:00

It's evenings like this that I like best...when the only sounds I hear are those wafting through my window from the gaiety, drums and families bbqing in the park. He lies next to me---his weight and warmth a welcome comfort---as I read a book, watch a movie or surf the net. We've been living together for a year now, actually one year September 1st, and our relationship has evolved into something really special.

His apparent lack of interest in me was quite disconcerting in the beginning. He'd seem to treat me as a persona non grata most days, and only occasionally, would tease me with a rub here and maybe a glance there before trotting off someplace clearly more deserving of his presence. Sometimes if I sat next to him or went into the room where he was, he'd either move elsewhere or leave the room. Initially I was hurt by this display of disinterest and lack of affection. Obviously my expectations were either too high or grossly misplaced. Soon after, I began to resent this treatment. After all, who else made sure he was fed and had plenty of things to keep him entertained? This was certainly not what I'd signed up for when he moved in. After a while, I'd pretty much resigned myself to accepting this as how things were going to be.

But, one day things changed, seemingly overnight. I started dating this guy who really took a liking to my guy and in the blink of an eye, they became instant friends. The unintended consequence of this friendship for me was that I also became privy to the attention and affection being offered to my love interest. Honestly, I couldn't believe my luck. This relationship brought out so many new expressions of endearment that I would never have otherwise believed existed.

Even though I stopped seeing this guy, the wellspring of love continues to flow from my kitty! Our relationship has changed profoundly and not only are we best buds, but we have found a deeper connection that binds us to each other. Now, when I'm in a room, he is always wherever I am when he's not off doing his own thing or having some "him" time.

We now coexist in a peaceful harmony that only we can enjoy.

Jungle Perspective

2005-09-14T13:11:00.000-04:00

I went out w/a white guy...once...as in the first and only one. We weren't in love and living together like the daughter in Guess Who; whatever it was we had didn't make it past a few dates. I didn't take him to meet my family or anything like that and I never met any of his, but I have to admit that somewhere in a remote place in my mind, a part of me considered the possibility of things going there.

I'd met him at a dinner a former roommate of mine had w/some of her friends. I found him quite attractive (and that is no easy feat for a caucasian, as my standards are ridiculously high---and in no way a diss to my brothas, cuz believe me when I say I can appreciate dmn near ALL of you---so, as you can imagine, there must've been something to his looks. His being a teacher won my admiration, and had pretty much cinched the deal. Not to mean the whole "racial consciousness/awareness-empathetic point of view" thing he had going on. Oh, and then there was the French...ahhh...the oui, oui mon cheri...parlez-vous francaise? And he was fluent.

Two, maybe three of my friends knew about him. I'd really liked him (a lot), and wanted to share this phenomena w/them. One of them was like, Go for it, girl! If the brothas can date outside of our race, then so can we...equal opportunity! Another was like, Are you sure about this? Is this really what you want? If you believe he's genuine, then all that matters is your happiness.

When she asked me if a relationship w/a white man was really what I wanted, instead of no, my answer was more like, I'd prefer to have the "ideal" black family (strong black man, strong black me and a few beautiful black children), but if this develops into something, then so be it. I'm willing to explore that. I had my reservations, of course, but I was willing to take it there.

Looking back on that experience, I've realized that while I may be equipped w/the tenacity and endurance to handle, even attack racial issues in defense of my people, I was nowhere nearly that confident if it came down to me defending my choosing a white man. 100% white, at that. Naw, I wasn't ready to do that and in my heart didn't want to have to deal w/that in addition to the burden that comes with being born Black...particularly Black in America.

This was solidified when we'd go to establishments in Harlem and brothas and sistas would stare and glare. What a novel experience for me, but so not in a good way. I felt like I was under a microscrope, under extreme examination and scrutiny. I felt that they looked at me as if I were a traitor when I knew I hadn't done anything wrong...or had I? I felt as if I had broken some kind of code of honor and that I was disgraced by having this white guy with me.

JUSTICE IN OUR LIFETIME

2005-09-13T14:05:00.000-04:00

MEDGAR EVERS COLLEGE FILM & CULTURE SERIES Presents...

‘All Power To The People!, The Black Panther Party And Beyond’

‘All Power To The People!, The Black Panther Party And Beyond’ - Is a chilling documentary on America's "Secret War". All Power to the People! examines problems of race, poverty, dissent, and the universal conflict of 'the haves versus the have nots'... the nightmarish scenarios that ensue when fearful governments maintain 'status quo' political power at all costs; brazenly breaking their own laws to entrap political opponents, thus fomenting armed rebellion. U.S. Government documents, rare news clips, and interviews with both ex-activists and former FBI/CIA officers, provide deep insight into the bloody conflict between armed political dissent and governmental authority in the U.S. of the 60s and 70s.

Globally acclaimed as being among the most accurate depictions of the goals, aspirations and ultimate repression of the US Civil Rights Movement, All Power to the People! is a gripping, timeless, news documentary holding within it the keys to create a better world that is far more understanding and tolerant, a world..."with Liberty and Justice for All."

Produced & Directed Lee Lew-Lee
The Film Will Be Preceded By Live Performances By:
NEW ORLEANS NATIVE CARMEN BARIKA,
&
Brooklyn's Finest
'SMIF & WESSON'!!!!!!!
And Followed With A Community Discussion
With Community Activists.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Medgar Evers College
Founders Auditorium
1650 Bedford Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11225

ADMISSION IS FREE

Doors open at 6:15pm
Open mike hosted by Damali & Shadagga
of 'Mahogany Blues' magazine begins at 6:30
Film & Culture series program begins
at 7:00pm sharp!

Take the #2, 3, 4 or 5 train to the Franklin Ave. stop.
The auditorium is between Crown & Montgomery Sts.
To RSVP email miles@mec.cuny.edu with your name and
number of guests or call 718-270-6096
Please Bring A Picture ID
**********************************************
The Original, The Most Conscious, The Best
Going Strong Since 2001,
For The People, By The People:
http://www.mec.cuny.edu/filmandcultureseries
**********************************************
MEC Film & Culture Series
'JUSTICE IN OUR LIFETIME'
Fall Film Screening Schedule

Thursday , September 22, 2005
'Knucklegame'
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
'Machetero'
Thursday, October 6, 2005
'Lavender: an Adaptation'
Thursday, October 20, 2005
'Sorry Ain't Enough'
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
'No One Will Ever Know'
Wednesday, November 2, 2005
'Silence: In Search Of Black Female Sexuality In America'
Thursday, November 17, 2005
TBA
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
TBA
Thursday, December 8, 2005
'Goodnight Charlie'
********************************
EDUCATING-ORGANIZING-MOBILIZING
********************************
For more information on the programs and
performing, vending opportunities and screening
films contact, Miles at 718-270-6096 or
miles@mec.cuny.edu
*********************************
This Series is produced in alliance with:
Hollah.com - http://www.hollah.com/ads/m1.html
Imagenation - http://www.imagenation.us
Artmattan Productions/ADFF - http://www.africanfilm.com International Black Panther Film Festival - http://www.pantherfilmfest.com Malcolm X Musuem - http://www.themalcolmxmuseum.org Harambee Radio - http://www.harambeeradio.com Music on Myrtle - http://www.musiconmyrtle.com 'Mahogany Blues Magazine' - http://www.mahoganyblues.com Hank Shocklee Experience - http://www.shocklee.com Hard Hittin Harry Meridian Entertainment - http://www.planetmeridian.com Harriet's Alter Ego Clothing - 718-783-2074 - http://www.harrietsalterego.com BigStan & Co - Contact@BigStanCo.com Underground Madness - http://www.undergroundmadness.org/
A-Marketing/Sista Factory - http://www.sistafactory.com
The Shield - shieldnews@yahoo.com
AMAG - http://www.awarenessmagazine.net
Black Documentary Collective - http://www.BDCNY.net
The Malcolm X Grassroots Movement - http://mxgm.org/
NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc - http://naacpldf.org/ National Campaign For A Peace Tax Fund - http://www.peacetaxfund.org/ RCP - http://rwor.org/ XyayX Multimedia Productions - http://xyayx.com/ Joseph Webb Experience - http://www.jwebb.info Brecht Forum - http://www.brechtforum.org Da Ghetto Tymz - http://www.daghettotymz.com Hip-Hop Association - http://hiphopassociation.org

"Working Together Works" - Don King

We Are ALL God's Creatures...

2005-09-12T13:32:00.000-04:00

An ANIMAL HAVEN Recovery Effort Update

Donate to Animal Haven's Recovery Effort Now!

Dear Friend,

Since we sent our last enewsletter just yesterday, I have received further confirmation on our role in the Gulf Coast region, along with an outpouring of generosity from dear friends like you. Therefore, I wanted to update you on our plan and what you can do to help.

I have been working with groups in the region and I am in communication with the ASPCA and Best Friends. I leave on Monday for Austin. Once there, I will meet others in our team and three large transport vehicles. We will then head to a location just outside of New Orleans and bring back as many animals as possible. The situation changes by the hour so it is difficult to project actual outcomes. We will keep you up-to-date on our progress.

Many of you want to help and for that we are truly grateful. Your assistance enables us to make the trip. The best way to help is through direct monetary contributions, which you can make online by clicking above or below and making a "general" donation (please note that all donations accepted online over the next two weeks will be directed to this effort) or mail to the address listed at the bottom of this page. Simply direct your gift to Katrina recovery and it will go to fund what will be by all accounts a very costly trip and recovery effort -- so no gift is too small.

If you are interest in fostering or adopting, please be patient with our staff who is currently gathering all inquiries and will get back to you once the animals are safely transported back to New York.

At times like this I'm reminded that Animal Haven is a small animal welfare organization fueled by friends with huge hearts that then allow us to do great things.

I can't thank you enough.

All the best,
Marcello ForteExecutive Director

Donate to Animal Haven's Recovery Effort Now!

Animal Haven Inc.35-22 Prince StreetFlushing, NY 11354 718.886.3683http://www.animalhavenshelter.org/
*********************************************************
I volunteered w/this organization a year ago for the summer, and can tell you that the people there work extremely hard to find loving homes for the animals they take in. The beauty of this org is that it is a NO-KILL shelter. They will keep an animal for as long as it takes to place him/her. It is no surprise to me that they are in the middle of the Katrina relief effort working to rescue/care for the animals that have been left homeless, orphaned or injured as a result of this disaster. I realize that many are donating to give the people there the necessities they need, and I know that's a priority. All I ask is that something be given to this org and others like it to help the animals that are in need. Even it's not money, time or a temporary home will help too.

If It Isn't One Thing, It's Gonna Be Somethin' Else

2005-09-01T13:07:00.000-04:00

Call me suspicious, maybe even a little paranoid, but with the way my morning has gone so far, I have to wonder if there is some larger conspiracy out there determined to ruin my day. A classic C-O-N-spiracy! Or maybe just a little left-over angst from last night (long but short story) spilling into my morning, dead set on trying to ruin it. Either way, there is some sort of force is at work here…

One of my roommates attempted to take a shower last night, only to discover that there was no hot water, one, and two, no water coming out of the shower…period. I, for one, am not a fan of ice cold showers, and my roommate wasn’t pleased that she had to forego one that night. She called the super and he promised (and I use that word loosely) to have the boiler fixed by 6 am (since, of course she would be up to take a shower at 6:30am, that would be perfect). Not a problem. Oh, and btw, this call took place at, oh, around 10 ish pm. But, I was still hopeful.

Well, as you may have already guessed, no hot water this morning for any of us! And my other roommate…poor thing…ended up taking an ice cold shower…BBBBBRRrrr!! Man, that girl’s a trooper! But I, on the other hand, had to get cleaned up the “old fashioned” way---the way my grandmother and her mother and probably her mother had to when they were growing up on the farm, or back then, the plantation…I had to boil me some water. I’m sure it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened next.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if my aunt’s cousin hadn’t come to stay w/me for a few days, but in this case, it really just exacerbated the unpleasantness of the situation. When she’s here, it’s harder for me to get up in the morning, I feel a lot more tired, irritable and cranky. So not only was I knocked off schedule due to having to work around the water predicament, my visitor naturally slows me down. And anyone who knows me, even a little bit, knows that my az is already mad slow when it comes to getting a move on. Needless to say, I begin my day quite annoyed. And terra cotta curtains don’t help…

You can imagine that my commute into this glorious city was a pleasant and relaxing ride in…NOT! I missed the 3, which is in my opinion, the best train for a downtown morning commute. I can always find a seat, and I really needed one today. As I walked down into the station, cursing that I’d missed the train (won’t be able to make good time now) this guy I gave my number is holding the hand of the same little girl I’d seen him walking w/some mornings ago (as I had again just missed the train), and he’s trying to speak to me. Too bad for him I am not in the mood to listen to him give me a score of excuses as to why he didn’t call or how he tried to and I didn’t pick up my phone. I was so not in the mood. And who the hell is that little girl, anyway?? I could have sworn when he first met me he said he didn’t have any children. Men are such liars sometimes.

Meanwhile...here I am waiting for what feels like a small forever for this dmn train to come! UGH! There really is no making good time at this point, and all seems somewhat hopeless and lost. The one bright spot, though, I have to say, is that I was able to get a seat on the 2. Talk about small miracles!

By the time I get to 72nd Street, the train is packed, people are taking their sweet az time getting out of the way, so the barrage of folks waiting for this train begin their pilgrimage onto the train. Needless to say I had to bust my way through the crowd and hurry MY az up to get onto the waiting local train. And, of course, people there don’t want to move, either. What a day! And as expected, I am pissed. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I would be, yet for some reason, I still always manage to be surprised when I feel that way. And this isn’t annoyed-pissed; it’s more like waiting-to-kick-somebody’s-az-pissed. Not a good deal.

I end up running into an IT guy who works in my building that I’ve seen in the morning from time to time on our way in to the office. He’s a cool guy, and I have to say that he was pretty adept at assessing my then current state of mind. And I’m sure the look on my face helped w/that. “That good, huh?” he says. “Yeah.” I reply. I cursed myself for being 15 min late, even though that’s not extraordinarily tardy, I just know how people are. The flip side is that fortunately for me and him and everyone else I may have encountered, our brief convo put me in much better spirits. He told me about his trip to ATL to pick up his car, and that inevitably lead to discussing how to avoid NYC traffic tickets. Gotta luv’em!

Things try to take a return for the worse when the microwave in the kitchen area decides not to work (today of ALL days!), even after I’d reset the outlet and the clock on the thing, and everything. What’s so bad about a sista wanting a warm pop-tart this time? (I don’t usually heat it, but this time, I wanted needed that warm and fuzzy feeling. I guess I will just have to settle for some tea.) After the second pop of the reset button, I was done. I grabbed my pop-tart and crept to my desk.

So here I am, hard at work, (no snickering, please...) hoping that the day will brighten up and get better for me. Maybe that tea will do the trick…

RIP, Eric B....You Will Be Missed

2005-08-30T15:20:00.000-04:00

Man killed in barber shop shooting
28 August 2005

One man died and another was seriously injured during a shooting at a barber's shop, police said.

Two men, aged 24 and 39, were taken to hospital following the incident in Long Island on Saturday afternoon.

The 39-year-old, Eric Barrier also known as Eric B. who lived locally, died from his injuries. The 24-year-old, also from Long Island, is said to be in a serious but stable condition in hospital.

West Camden Police were called to reports of several shots being fired in and around the barber's shop at the junction of Lozells Road and Wheeler Street. A force spokeswoman said no arrests had been made and appealed to anyone who witnessed the incident or had any information about it to contact police.
**************************************

One of my friends just sent this article to me. I am, of course quite upset b/c Eric B. & Rakim is my #1, most-loved rap duo, and I am shocked and saddened by the tragic, senseless death of another rap/DJ icon...the same as when Jam Master Jay was killed. Then, she emails me that it was a fckng HOAX!! My girl, btw, is not the hoaxster, just so that's clear. (At least she'd better not be, lol!) Someone had sent it to her, and she had passed it along.

Now, while I was definitely relieved (I was feeling as though my heart was being crushed to pieces), I couldn't help but feel outraged and angry that someone would actually take time out of his/her life that cannot be recouped to do some horrible mess like this. It's sad, and it's sick. And though I'm pissed off that someone would do this, I'm hoping like hell that it's really not true! I wished they'd just get back together and call it day. Don't you just love this photo? :)

A quick exerpt from their bio:
Eric B. was born Eric Barrier in 1965 in Elmhurst, Queens; his future partner, William Griffin, Jr., was born in 1968 and also hailed from the suburbs of New York, specifically Wyandanch, Long Island. At age 16, Griffin converted to Islam and adopted the name Rakim Allah. Barrier played trumpet and guitar early on, but switched to the turntables in high school, and eventually landed a job as the mobile DJ for radio station WBLS. It was there that he met Rakim, and the two officially formed a partnership in 1985. Their first single -- "Eric B. Is President" (an ode to Barrier's DJ skills) b/w "My Melody" -- was released on the tiny Harlem-based indie label Zakia. It was a street-level sensation during the summer of 1986, and the duo was picked up by the larger 4th & Broadway imprint. The equally monumental singles "I Ain't No Joke" and "I Know You Got Soul" sampled James Brown and his cohort Bobby Byrd, respectively, and their utter funkiness began to revolutionize the sound of hip-hop. Moreover, Rakim's line "pump up the volume" on the latter track was in turn sampled itself, becoming the basis for M/A/R/R/S' hit of the same name.

No More Fallin' For The Okey-Doke

2005-08-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

The only person's happiness I am responsible for is my own, just as you are responsible for yours. So, I don't appreciate it when others try to force their misguided, grossly overstated, skewed and unrealistic expectations on me. And then when I tell you what's really going on, you simply gloss right over my point of view only to reiterate your own...as if I'm some sort of iditot who cannot get what you are saying (or as if what you're saying is so much more important than what I've said)...even though most of what you're saying makes absolutely no sense, yet somewhere in the far-reaching recesses of your mind, it makes sense to you. Most of all, don't give me this politically-correct, democratic bull-tihs about wanting to talk about your feelings and listen to what I have to say so that there are no future misunderstandings. (Haven't we heard this before???) Well, guess what, sweetheart...

...as long as you continue to see yourself as a victim in every fckng situation, neglect to recognize and understand your actions, and constantly twist people's words around...I promise you that you will continue to experience plenty more misunderstandings (as you call them)...

To err is human; to see that shznit and acknowledge it, well now, that's DIVINE.

TAG...I'm It!

2005-08-24T13:46:00.000-04:00

Got tagged by Alli, so let's just see how this goes, lol. I wouldn't call myself a music junkie, but there's still SO much to choose from! What can I say? I love what I love...so here's a sneak peek at what moves me...

To Mellow Back and Relax...
Sade
"Kiss of Life": Love Deluxe

Earth, Wind & Fire
"Can't Hide Love": The Eternal Dance

Maxwell
"Submerge: Til We Become The Sun": EMBRYA

Isley Brothers
"Voyage to Atlantis": The Essential Isley Brothers
********************************
When I Need A Good Cry...
Sarah McLachlan
"Stupid": Afterglow (can't tell you how many times I've played this one! lol)

Dido
"My Lover's Gone": No Angel

Erykah Badu
"Ye Yo": [Erykah Badu] Live
++++++++++++++++++++++++
And Hypes Me Up, No Matter What...

Eric B. & Rakim
"Move the Crowd": Paid in Full and "I Ain't No Joke": Gold

Anthony Hamilton
"Mama Knew Love" and "Since I Seen't You": Comin' From Where I'm From

OutKast
"Ova da Wudz": ATLiens

Ludacris
"Southern Hospitality": Back For The First Time
======================
^^^^^^B_O_N_U_S

To Reveal My Seductive Side...
TLC - "Take Our Time": CraZySeXyCool
Xscape - "Softest Place on Earth": Traces of My Lipstick
Maxwell - "Sumthin' Sumthin' ": Love Jones soundtrack
Jodeci - "U & I": Forever My Lady

Any takers for me to tag?? Come on, it'll be fun...and you just might like it...lol

Harlem World

2005-08-21T23:03:00.000-04:00

It's times like these when a sista needs a camera phone. Saw so many things (and people) that were funny, nasty or in some way outrageous, but images definitely meant to be captured. Even though I'm really not a fan of crowds, I did enjoy the energy I felt on 135th this weekend for the Harlem Week Festival.

Thirty-one years of the people in Harlem coming together to celebrate some of what makes Harlem what it is. Did not feel as connected or a part of the HW experience when I lived here the first time, but after these last couple of years, I'm a little more into the spirit of things. Now, I feel a little territorial and possessive of this place...certainly did not see THAT coming in like, a zillion years! lol So, it's clear to see how seeing people who I would say don't necessarily belong grates on my nerves. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not prejudice and extremely protective of my own. But, I'm going to spare everyone the soapbox on that one, b/c I could go on for days...

Instead, I will focus on how great it made me feel to be a part of this celebration. I enjoyed discovering the talented artists that are out there. I have a t-shirt that a sista painted for me, that is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I didn't get a change to dig into the food the way I really wanted to, but next time, that will be my mission---first and foremost. And the entertainment...what can I say? We have some characters here, fu sho. Can't even begin to tell you how many people me and my girl were cracking up at. Lots of ridiculousness running around, and I found it to be quite hilarious.

Also met a few cool people...definitely have to shout out the Rastas who were so cool, and the young brother, Fame and his crew, trying to make their music happen. Big ups to cutie-pie, Mr. FDNY...too bad we didn't get a chance to chat...maybe next year, lol. And to the dude stuttin' his stuff to the "Stayin' Alive" music that HAD to've been playing in his head...
playon, playa...

Getting Better With Time

2005-08-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

AGING GRACEFULLY

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body: the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.

As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 a.m, and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love...I will. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when abeloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

I can say "no," and mean it; I can say "yes." and mean it.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.

And I am not looking back because I am not going in that direction!
*****************************************************************

One of my close friends sent this to me, and I wanted to share it. Many fear getting old (including me), so I love the way this expresses the blessings, grace and beauty associated with "maturity". This piece encourages me to live each day as fully as possible, live it with love and it reminds me to simply, be...

Free Your Mind

2005-08-10T23:33:00.000-04:00

I went to the Anthology Film Archives tonight for a screening of four documentaries, and my heart and mind are so full so please bear with me. There are so many things I'm thinking and feeling as a result of what I saw and the people I spoke to that it may not all come out the way I would like. The important thing is that I get this out.

Film #1: An Artists' Libido
This was about Anne Brown, a black soprano opera singer, who at age 23 sang as Bess in the musical Porgy and Bess by George Gershwin.

I've never seen Porgy and Bess, but they showed bits and pieces from the musical. At the time of the filming, Ms. Brown was 92 years old. Still sharp as a tack, and so on it. She talked about the flack she received from the other black performers who were more veteran than she for being the "doctor's daughter" and of the "bourgeois". I loved how she said it didn't bother her because besides not allowing their treatment of her to affect the performance, she held some contempt for them because they acted as though they were better than her. She was younger, yet equally talented, and didn't allow things they said to get her off her game. This is a film you'd have to see for yourself to fully appreciate it. One other part that stuck w/me most was how she refused to perform at a theater in Baltimore because it was segregated and no blacks were allowed to enter. The theater management told her that she was under contract and she was going to get out there and sing. But this amazing lady stuck to her guns and refused to sing. She felt it was ridiculous for a black cast to sing for a room full of white people when her own parents, siblings, and schoolmates weren't allowed to come. *If I could have an ounce of this lady's courage, there's no telling what I could accomplish.*

Film #2: Black Sharcropping Crops Blacks
This film was about the struggles of the black farmer, particularly the sharecropper in the south. It also touched on the suit that was filed by some of these tobacco farmers against the Department of Agriculture. Funny, how they won the suit to the tune of $2.3 billion for discrimination and racially unjust lending practices, yet 80,000 did not receive the compensation they are due and are still fighting for it.

This film was especially close to my heart because the farmers were in North Carolina, near where I'd been born and had lived for a time. I could definitely relate to that struggle in a way because my great-uncle was a farmer and essentially, we lived on a farm. My mom and her sisters and brothers know that struggle much more intimately because they lived it. Both my mom and dad dropped out of school in the 11th grade to help work on the farm. My uncles went into the military to escape this life, and three of my mom's sisters went to college and grad school. But my mom stayed. One of the farmers interviewed had also dropped out of school. Farm work was the number one priority, and it had to be done, regardless. Many kids didn't get to go to school when fall came because cotton had to be picked. Millery did a great job in capturing the soul and spirit of these family's struggles to make it and make a life for themselves and their children in spite of the numerous hardships and setbacks they faced. This resilience amazes me, and what's so great about it, is that we all have it; it's just not often called upon. Yet, it's there, and we need to dig deep and excavate that in ourselves.

Film #3: Africa Unite!
This filmmaker covered the Bob Marley 60th Birthday Celebration held in Ethiopia

UNICEF sponsored the 3-day symposium held as part of the celebration, and youth from other African countries to share their concerns, speak their minds about whatever social, political or economic issues plague their countries. (There was a lot of information given in this film, and I'm trying to keep it as accurate as possible. This is my best effort from memory....) Something that one of the African leaders said that was so on point was how when an African country does not want Pepsi to open a plant, at one time officials could be bribed in an effort to have this plant built, but when all the "white" countries ban together to form the World Trade Organization (WTO) and enforce economic sanctions and trade embargos on this country if it does not accept this Pepsi plant into it's country. How sick is that?? And I have to shout the youth in this documentary because they spoke their minds outright about things they saw as injustices and were there to find a way to make things better. Kids from countries all over Africa. It was such a beautiful sight. Would have been even more awesome to have been there!

Film #4: Exploring Relationships at 35 (not exact title)

Anjanette Levert's film was defnitely a bit of a hilarious spin on what she was experiencing on her 35th birthday and finding herself still single.

She narrated some parts w/her own funny commentary, other parts showed her with a group of her close female friends who were also 35, single, and without children. Anjanette also included clips of an interview she had with the gentleman who started that Harlem Men's Club (and I had the pleasure of having him sit one person over from me. Ugh! If only ya'll could have heard some of the chauvinistic comments homeboy made. Unbelievable.) And, the parts that included those clips were some of the funniest because when he said something crazy, you'd hear her say, "WHAT did he just say?!! Let's rewind that!" It was entertaining and so real. I wish I could remember some specific things this guy said in that interview, but if any of you have heard anything about him and his club, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks. I really liked how Anjanette's film touched on such sensitive issues that so many professional, successful, independent black women face. Oh, and one of the statistics this guy sited as the reason many black women will remain single is that 12% of blacks in this country are college-educated and 62% of those blacks are female. Sure, it sounds hella bleak for women in their 30s or approaching their 40s, but my friend, "Che" had a good point he didn't get a chance to raise that night. The meat of it (and I'm paraphrasing) is that we are getting smarter and eventually this trend is going to begin reversing itself. That made me feel pretty hopeful because I was beginning to wonder, wow, are things going to continue to deteriorate for black women.

I also want to shout out Che's pub for the Black August Film Fest. I always learn something at these kinds of events and walk away more enlightened and stretched intellectually than before I got there. Let's make a concerted effort to support these events, organizations and individuals.

***************************************************************************
My celebrity sighting:
Peter Parros aka Dr. Benjamin Robert "Ben" Harris, As the World Turns

^I know I am such a loser for getting all excited about meeting this actor, but I don't care. I grew up watching this soap on CBS, so I politely expressed my appreciation. :P^

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

2005-08-07T21:46:00.000-04:00

REVOLUTION
n 1: a drastic and far-reaching change in ways of thinking and behaving

"... in order to be a true revolutionary, you must understand love.

Love, sacrifice, and death."
Sonia Sanchez (b. 1934), U.S. poet. Black Women Writers at Work, ch. 10, by Claudia Tate (1985).

Survey Says...

2005-08-04T00:51:00.000-04:00

...85% of Black Women would choose a man in a suit and tie versus a man in work boots...

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't sound right to me. And of course, this is just one perspective on the matter. Maybe there are a lot of women who feel this way...or maybe I'm protective of the images and perceptions placed on black women by society overall. That "conclusion" seems to misrepresent what (I would hope) many of us are about, and give us a bad rep in general. We're not all golddiggers, superficial socialites or money-grubbing b****es.

This statement says to me that most of us only pay the most attention to how a man is dressed and what he looks like on the outside when determining who we'd rather be approached by. Now don't get me wrong...There is nothing like a fine brother in a nice suit. I'll give that much. He's nice to look at. But that doesn't mean that he's not a womanizing, lying, cheating, abusive a**hole. And frankly, I would check a man in work boots and no shirt while he's outside working hard making that framework into a beautiful building. Just because he's not "decked out" at the time does not mean that he doesn't have money---he possibly makes more and has more in the bank than Mr. S & T---have taste or class, doesn't know how to act or have a sensitive nature.

I could go on and on about my man in work boots, so I'll leave him be---for now. ;) But I will say that I would rather our brothas did not see us in such a negative light. Relationships are hard enough for us as it is without adding all this extra nonsense. I guess I'm so concerned about this because as a black woman I don't appreciate the misconceptions floating around about who we are and what we're about. And who in the hell did these people survey, anyway??? It is true that there are some women who would turn their noses up at a man who's a blue collar worker; I can't deny that. But I refuse to believe that most of us are like that.

Maybe I'm biased, a little naive or hopelessly optimistic and want to look at black women in the best possible light; probably because I don't see myself as being a part of that 85%. At least that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it! (jk) I'm part of the majority of women who love our men, believe in them, want to see them for who they are rather than what they have or wear, and want to care for them. That survey didn't discuss how we have to deal with a lot of crap of our own that other people don't have to deal with; we have to hold ours down because if we don't, no one else will. We've been forced to get to a point where we have to rely solely on ourselves because a lot of our brothas aren't in a position to take care of us so that we can in turn take care of them.

It really is quite a sad state of affairs...

^As a sidenote, I almost went to blows with this brotha after bringing this statistic to my attention. I was shocked that he was talking like he believed this.^

We Are A Power-FULL Creation

2005-08-01T11:54:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine sent this to me, and I thought it was so appropriate.
Not only should we remind ourselves of our own awesomeness, but
should remind our sistas when we can---not everyone is at a place
where she is able to live it.

One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth
day of working overtime.

An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so
much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on
her? She has to be completely washable, but not
plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap
that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss
that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she
will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one
day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to
finishing this creation that is so close to my own
heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND
can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you
have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made
her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out,
touched the woman's cheek.

"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into
this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a
tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her
joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her
love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they
hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are
nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe
there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when
their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a
wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they
are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken
heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show
how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep
turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have
compassion and ideals. They give moral support to
their family and friends. Women have vital things to
say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT
THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Excuse Me...I'm Having a Moment

2005-07-28T23:39:00.000-04:00

Just finished reading some credit management articles, and let's just say I am quite depressed right about now! LOL I already know that I have lots of work to do if I am going to be in a position to purchase a home (or anything substantial) one day. However, after doing my debt-ratio, consolidation options, and credit risk evaluations, let's just say that helpless is another word to join the former to give a clue as to where I am right now.

Thoughts like, am I EVER gonna get out of debt have definitely plagued me. My next (and sadly, most natural response) is to get the hell out of dodge! I run when things are too much for me to digest all at once. Retreat! Retreat! is the call that goes out to my emotions and my mentals. Gotta cut my losses and just deal with this crap LATER!

However, at some point, I come out of this den of seclusion with some bright ideas on how to solve my problems (financial, men, career, personal) with some sort of quick-fix, half-azzed solution. Maybe my ideas aren't *that* bad, but I am low on discipline, stamina, longevity and commitment...all the sure-fire ingredients needed in order to make my plans actually work for me.

** One day I will get my shiznit together and make shite happen.**

Maybe one day my prince will come (working on getting rid of *that* lame fantasy!) or that I'll win the lottery (magically, somehow b/c I don't play) or some 5-digit benevolence will come my way (I'm aiming low...it could possibly happen...plus, I don't want 2b greedy!)

or, MAYbeeeee...(see **)

To Cliche or Not To Cliche

2005-07-23T11:34:00.000-04:00

While we were riding in her car on my last visit home, one of my best friends asked me if I thought there was any truth to the phrase: "before you can really love anyone, you have to first love yourself."

I'm sure people have heard this a lot, and probably have often said it themselves without truly understanding what they're saying. The same goes with "you need to 'work' on yourself." That's probably my favorite, next to "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." That depends on whether "kill" is meant literally or figuratively. I have yet to hear someone specify. LOL

We've heard these phrases plenty of times, bantered about and portrayed as insight and advice regarding someone else's situation. When my friend asked me this, I had to sit back and think for a bit. Did I really believe that there was a kernel of truth to this saying because there actually was, or because I've heard it so much that I just assume it's true?

I felt that it was true, and the example I gave her was of a vessel, or container. If it's empty, then what can be poured out of it into another container? Nothing. In order to share what you have, you must first be filled with something. The hope is that it's filled with healthy things. And looking at it from a different angle, it may be a little better to be empty than to fill other containers with whatever crap that has been allowed to accumulate. But either way, emptiness is only the lesser of two evils. One might be so desperate in trying to fill its own container, that in doing so, takes savagely with sub-standard giving in return.

Loving oneself, and I mean, REALLY loving oneself (unconditionally), is not an easy thing. Unconditional love requires total acceptance of one's own flaws, shortcomings, deficiencies and ugliness that makes us human, as well as the strengths, goodness, adequacies and beauty, which makes us divine. To know oneself is to aid in self-acceptance because how can you accept that which is unknown? Sometimes other people show us things in ourselves that we may not have otherwise recognized, and other times it's situations or challenges. Self-acceptance is a process; a state of mind and of being.

Accept and love yourself, and you just might be able to selflessly love others.