Abyss

...and I neglected to read the label
carefully examine the contents
consider the contraindications
heed the side effects, adverse reactions
and internalize the warnings

If I could sedate my mind
It would tranquilize the anguish;
still the writhing; silence my screams
alleviate the asphyxiation and
somehow scrape away the past

If I could slow my heartbeat
lower my blood pressure
numb the aching; stop what's hurting
just to get a handle on the symptoms
I'd consider selling my soul...

**************************************

The eyes are the windows to one's soul
You helped him see right through you.
Failed to disguise the suffering girl in your eyes
crying out for help, but really only used to being abused.
Make no mistake. It's obvious to the well-trained eye
and the senstive ear of someone looking to get inside
with the guise of relief from the let-downs, the guilt and hurt
to someone who already believes the worst,
and in her eyes, sees herself as diminished
with barely any value and zero self-worth---
easy pickings for this jerk---to be let down, chipped away at...
damaged goods from birth, he says.
You were deceived like Eve
by the serpent in the trees by your greed
when all along you possessed everything
you could possibly need.

***************************************

While this is sure to sound pretty dramatic,
there have been a couple losses in my adult life
that I didn't think I would ever recover from
emotionally. The first time, I medicated with
men and dating but the second I approached with
prayer. I've found that I feel so much more free
the second time around.

Wow! When I think about the messages
gleaned from those experiences...