To Cliche or Not To Cliche
While we were riding in her car on my last visit home, one of my best friends asked me if I thought there was any truth to the phrase: "before you can really love anyone, you have to first love yourself."
I'm sure people have heard this a lot, and probably have often said it themselves without truly understanding what they're saying. The same goes with "you need to 'work' on yourself." That's probably my favorite, next to "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." That depends on whether "kill" is meant literally or figuratively. I have yet to hear someone specify. LOL
We've heard these phrases plenty of times, bantered about and portrayed as insight and advice regarding someone else's situation. When my friend asked me this, I had to sit back and think for a bit. Did I really believe that there was a kernel of truth to this saying because there actually was, or because I've heard it so much that I just assume it's true?
I felt that it was true, and the example I gave her was of a vessel, or container. If it's empty, then what can be poured out of it into another container? Nothing. In order to share what you have, you must first be filled with something. The hope is that it's filled with healthy things. And looking at it from a different angle, it may be a little better to be empty than to fill other containers with whatever crap that has been allowed to accumulate. But either way, emptiness is only the lesser of two evils. One might be so desperate in trying to fill its own container, that in doing so, takes savagely with sub-standard giving in return.
Loving oneself, and I mean, REALLY loving oneself (unconditionally), is not an easy thing. Unconditional love requires total acceptance of one's own flaws, shortcomings, deficiencies and ugliness that makes us human, as well as the strengths, goodness, adequacies and beauty, which makes us divine. To know oneself is to aid in self-acceptance because how can you accept that which is unknown? Sometimes other people show us things in ourselves that we may not have otherwise recognized, and other times it's situations or challenges. Self-acceptance is a process; a state of mind and of being.
Accept and love yourself, and you just might be able to selflessly love others.
I'm sure people have heard this a lot, and probably have often said it themselves without truly understanding what they're saying. The same goes with "you need to 'work' on yourself." That's probably my favorite, next to "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." That depends on whether "kill" is meant literally or figuratively. I have yet to hear someone specify. LOL
We've heard these phrases plenty of times, bantered about and portrayed as insight and advice regarding someone else's situation. When my friend asked me this, I had to sit back and think for a bit. Did I really believe that there was a kernel of truth to this saying because there actually was, or because I've heard it so much that I just assume it's true?
I felt that it was true, and the example I gave her was of a vessel, or container. If it's empty, then what can be poured out of it into another container? Nothing. In order to share what you have, you must first be filled with something. The hope is that it's filled with healthy things. And looking at it from a different angle, it may be a little better to be empty than to fill other containers with whatever crap that has been allowed to accumulate. But either way, emptiness is only the lesser of two evils. One might be so desperate in trying to fill its own container, that in doing so, takes savagely with sub-standard giving in return.
Loving oneself, and I mean, REALLY loving oneself (unconditionally), is not an easy thing. Unconditional love requires total acceptance of one's own flaws, shortcomings, deficiencies and ugliness that makes us human, as well as the strengths, goodness, adequacies and beauty, which makes us divine. To know oneself is to aid in self-acceptance because how can you accept that which is unknown? Sometimes other people show us things in ourselves that we may not have otherwise recognized, and other times it's situations or challenges. Self-acceptance is a process; a state of mind and of being.
Accept and love yourself, and you just might be able to selflessly love others.
posted by Issiata | 11:34 AM
2 Comments:
There is a lot of true in what you just wrote.
It's definitely an uphill climb for me, daily. Thx for the affirmation.
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