Still Enslaved

I visited the “Slavery in New York” exhibition at the New York Historical Society on Saturday. There is some interesting information presented, but it primarily served to strengthen my opinion that blacks are entitled to reparations. After viewing the various panels and stations, it is quite evident that just as in the south, slave labor is the cornerstone of what made New York City much of what it is today. It was on the backs of my ancestors that the foundation for the world’s premier financial capital was built, and I believe that this government owes us for that contribution.

At first I couldn’t quite place my finger on what I felt was missed as I viewed the documents, the timelines, the videos, re-enactments, etc. But later, I realized that the way the information was presented gave me the impression that slavery here was not that bad. As if it were some unfortunate event that occurred, but look, some of the slaves were eventually able to free themselves...look at what all they accomplished.

On a spring night in 1712, after the moon set, two slaves set fire to a building on the property of back Peter Vantilborough. They then ran to a nearby orchard and joined other slaves who were waiting quietly in the darkness. There wer more than 20 of them, and they were all holding guns, knives, or hatchets. When neighbors noticed the fire and came running to put it out, the slaves attacked and killed nine white people. The governor sent troops to capture blacks thought to be involved. Six slaves committed suicide rather than be taken. Thirty-nine others were charged with the crimes. Mars was one of several blacks charged with killing Adrian Beekman.

This was the first big uprising of slaves in New York. Most of the blacks belonged to the Coromantee or Pawpaw people of West Africa. Most had only been in New York City for a year or two. They were just beginning to understand what it meant to be a slave here. In West Africa, a slave could eventually become absorbed into the owner’s family. When these Africans learned that in New York they would always be slaves, they started planning their rebellion.

The trials began within days, and most were quick. Some people were tried, found guilty, and executed in a single day. Mars’s owner, Jacob Regnier, testified at his trial. He may have spoken in Mars’s favor, because Mars was found not guilty. The Attorney General had an old feud with Regnier, and decided to try Mars again for killing Beekman. Mars was found not guilty at the second trial, too, but the Attorney General was not finished. He ordered a third trial of Mars, and charged him with a different murder. This time, Mars was found guilty and sentenced to be hanged. It was June 7, 1712.

Then Royal Governor Hunter stepped in. He thought the Attorney General was using Mars just to get back at his old enemy, Regnier. The governor issued a reprieve for Mars, and wrote to England for an official pardon. Mars had to wait in jail until the pardon arrived in October, but then his case was finally settled. He was not hanged, and he was returned to Regnier as his slave.

"Regnier's Mars", New York Amsterdam News, October 7, 2005 - March 5, 2005, p. 6

I guess we should all be so happy that this fortunate slave was given "justice". That someone had enough sense to see though the bullsht into what was really going on, and petition for his pardon. And why wouldn't Regnier testify---most likely favorably---on Mars's behalf? Mars was his property after all, and worth quite a bit of money, I imagine. And lucky for Mars he is freed from jail to return to the shackles of slavery. I would surmise that his master took quite a lashing to him for putting him through all that trouble of trying to keep him from getting hanged in the first place and for lost labor. Yeah, what justice. hanged in the first place and for lost labor. Yeah, what justice.

want to go back and take my sweet az time because I want to make sure I cover everything, and leave no script unread or visual unseen. I can’t recall seeing any evidence of the beatings, lynching and hangings and so forth which depict the fcking brutality and dehumanization my people suffered at the hands of the Dutch and the British. And to me, that’s huge. If other cultures want to have a greater understanding of what my ancestors when through here, then let’s lay it all out on the table. cultures want to have a greater understanding of what my ancestors when through here, the

This kind of commentary can lead in soooo many different directions. But one thing that comes prominently to mind is that our oppressors understand from history what can happen when an angry people come together to organize and mobilize to revolt.

Change is a process we cannot control or manipulate.
It is a process we must allow.
-Iyanla Vanzant

Do You Have What It Takes To BE?

One of the most difficult and challenging things to do is to allow yourself to be vulnerable in some way to someone else. Being vulnerable is an extraordinary act latent with fear, yet full of hope of boundless reward. To be vulnerable is to overcome your fear of rejection, abuse, misuse, neglect, criticism; to overcome your insecurities about yourself or how you think the other person may see you. To be vulnerable is to let down your guard and all your defenses and allow someone else to see the real you. To be vulnerable is to lay bare your soul in hopes that the one you reveal the deepest, innermost part of your being to will accept you. To be vulnerable is to expose all parts of you: good, bad, ugly and beautiful, rather than showing someone only what you want them to see.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable requires two things: TRUST and COURAGE

Either you have to trust that the other person is sincere and wouldn’t intentionally hurt you, or...complete trust in your own ability to cope with the consequences, whatever they may be, of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And the courage to make that leap...

I don’t trust too many ppl these days. I’ve been betrayed way too much, so I tend to keep my guard up with everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are. There are maybe four ppl who mean more to me than the whole world, and while those ppl don’t know everything about me, I share more w/them than anyone else. God is the only One who knows all...even the things I don’t admit to myself...

But like any other person, I also long to be able to share the depths of my self w/someone, to have that soul connection w/another. It gets lonely having to carry every care, worry and weight by yourself. It gets weary. But not everyone is meant to be trusted. There are ppl out there who will use your vulnerability against you for their own benefit...manipulate you to further their agenda.

Maybe I masquerade as a cynic pretending to be a realist, but is really an optimist at heart, lol Who knows. But I know that no matter how much I might scoff at the idea of letting someone get that close to me, inside I long for that very closeness...to be naked to someone and feel safe, understood and protected.

Deep inside, we all want that whether we have the courage to admit it or not.

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In case you were wondering:

BIG DOG: Always have the courage to say what you think...

LIL DOG: Idiot.

Answers In The Stars?

Weekly Forecast for October 17, 2005
Provided by Astrology.com Monthly Forecast

Look out for conflict as the week begins. Monday could find you butting heads with someone who doesn't share your point of view, but a little selflessness on your part could defuse the situation. From Monday evening through Wednesday, you might still find yourself at odds with the ideas and agendas of others, but the competition is apt to be much more good-natured and spirited. Fight a good fight, but be willing to find a compromise, too. On Thursday and Friday, read the fine print. The devil is in the details right now, especially where risks are involved. This weekend, surrender control and go with the flow.
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Many ppl live their lives by their horoscopes. They decide what to wear, where to go, who to date/love/sleep or live with, or how to act based on their weekly, monthly or daily readings. Personally, I think that’s ridiculous. I don’t have anything against those who subscribe to this way of living, but to be ruled by the alignment of the stars, sun and moon for everything or to use it as an explanation for everything is nuts. And in saying this, I don’t mean that I think there’s no merit in astrology because I believe that there is some, but still, it’s not the end all be all...or at least maybe shouldn’t be...

I realized this week that I have not been completely myself, so to speak. Some of my family members can tell you that I can be a dark and brooding person sometimes, but that’s generally not the way I like to live life. But, there are times when that “darkness” consumes me. I found myself praying more because I didn’t like the place I was in emotionally, mentally and spiritually and was hoping to find some relief. I’d been a bitch to just about every single person who crossed my path...enemy, friend, stranger or otherwise...and I really didn’t care.

Even though I used my “circumstances” as an excuse for my behavior, I enjoyed being in control of my emotions. Usually I feel so out of control when it comes to a lot of things in my life—never mind everything is a consequence of some decision I made—but definitely not my emotions. So there has been something about this time that has been empowering for me in an odd sort of way. I have seen the promised land of choosing how I’m going to feel about something (good, bad, or otherwise) versus trying to control situations, circumstances or ppl. I have experienced the potential and reward of relaxing the tight-assed grip I’ve had on things either out of fear or insecurity. But don’t get shit twisted, misconstrued or confused. You won’t hear me shouting Invictus from the Empire State building, lol.

When I was growing up, one of my aunts used to often say (and every once in a while even now) that I brother and I are always so serious, that we walk around like we have the “weight of the world” on our shoulders. O is a Taurus and I’m a Scorpio. It seems our signs were made for this sort of thing. I’d also been looking for “answers” as to what has been causing me to feel the way I have these past weeks, hence the horoscope above. Anyone could interpret this reading a myriad of ways. It’s pretty general for the most part. There are a couple aspects of it, though that I feel are relevant: reading the fine print, and surrendering control. Both of which I’m well aware, but it’s a confirmation of sorts, if you will. While this didn’t give me the answers I’ve been looking for, it gently guided me to an insight into my situation. Scorpios are often characterized by what can sometimes be a venomous nature. Scorpions tend to sting others in attack or self-defense or themselves in chaos or inner turmoil. And in that turmoil if another interferes in some way, well, that one’s getting stung too.

I’ve been in extreme inner turmoil for one reason or another. My life has been quite stress-filled, and I was driving myself crazy (and making myself sick) trying to fix everything, bugging out over things that I could not change and expending way too much energy on wanting other ppl to be, to do, or to say what I wanted them to. I know, I know. This is stuff that everyone knows and it’s no mystery, really, but still there’s something about having to come to certain realizations and a level of understanding for yourself. And I had to come into that place. This was my time.

Some folklore associates the Scorpio with the Eagle and sometimes the Phoenix. The eagle generally represents ascension to a higher level of being spiritually. It also symbolizes the scorpio that has risen above “earthbound limitations”. But don’t be fooled; the eagle is still a bird of prey and delivers a swift and deadly blow, they say. The phoenix, on the other hand, represents complete transformation in the scorpio, the negative or weak aspects of scorpio burned away while the transformed and renewed scorpio rises from the ashes.

Scorpios are emotional, passionate and intense ppl, and that’s generally just how it is. So imagine how intense my turmoil was for me. My conclusion is that I’ve been burning some things out of my way of thinking in order to garner a more empowered, effective, kick-ass me. :)

A Glimpse Of Paradise

Sierra with HOT Hawaiian honey...yum! ;)

Sierra kicking ass on a surfboard on her first try! :)

Maya Angelou Speaks...

Published September 12, 2005

I'm not mad at Barbara Bush, or Fox News' Bill O'Reilly. Or even at U.S. Rep. Richard Baker (R-La.).

Maya Angelou says, "That when people show you who they are, believe them the first time".
So, no, I am not mad at them.

Not at the former first lady for suggesting that Hurricane Katrina evacuees living shoulder to shoulder in the Houston Astrodome were now better off than they were living in poverty in New Orleans.

Not at Fox News' conservative talk-show host, who maintains that the lesson poor children should learn from Katrina is that all they have to do is educate themselves and work hard and they will be able to avoid being left behind on the "metaphorical rooftop."

Not at the Republican from Baton Rouge, who The Wall Street Journal reported was overheard telling lobbyists: "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did."

Despite the public comments, the private ones made in segregated company (by conservatives and liberals) likely have been even more crass and unbelievable.

The hurricane indeed has shed a light. The spin masters in the Bush administration have done a glowing job over the last several years of pretending that America has achieved a color-blind, class-blind society. Look around you, they say. Look at Condi and Alberto, or Colin and Clarence. All are credits to their race. What inequities? What ghettos? What barriors?
For some time now, the underclass has been kept off camera, rendered invisible, its voices muted.

But now that the hurricane has reminded us that, there are Americans too impoverished to leave their community even when a great storm is hurtling toward them, it's not surprising that many are shocked by it.

Including the compassionate conservatives, who, in scrambling to say something pithy and nice, are speaking off the cuff and unwittingly revealing themselves:

"Almost everyone I have talked to says, "we're going to move to Houston," the former first lady told National Public Radio's "Marketplace." She was referring to the evacuees in the Astrodome.
What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them."

I suppose it takes tragedy to shock us, to reveal us.

Until the E2 nightclub disaster here, many well-meaning Chicagoans weren't aware that the city had its share of segregated nightclubs. In Chicago today, there are still places where African-Americans (and not all poor) go so they don't have to dance around the color line.

I guess I'm not mad about the comments from the ! elite or the unknowing. Wealthy people get to choose whether they want to understand or dealwith poverty. Many have chosen to and have been unfailing advocates for the poor.

What's far more disappointing are those who come from humble beginnings and who now have the king's ear, but have remained silent.

It's as though they've been struck with a form of selective amnesia. They can recall their humble beginnings during, election time or a confirmation hearing, but how soon they forget.
They're the ones who should be explaining to the Bill O'Reillys of the world that, yes, education is key and hard work a necessity.

But this also is true: A Black or Hispanic PhD. who tries to hail a cab late at night will probably be profiled just like any other black person.

Maybe someone could explain to Mrs. Bush that being huddled in a stadium not knowing where other family members are and the uncertainty about the future does not translate into an experience that's "working out well for them."

Maybe someone could explain to the Baton Rouge congressman why now isn't the time to be flip about cleaning up public housing and God should be left out of this.

No, I'm not mad at members of the elite. They're merely saying aloud what they've been thinking.

It just shows us that "the line" and "the spin" can go only so far before--thank heavens--the spool eventually runs out.

Don't Push Me, Cuz I'm Close To Tha Edge...

Like any other person, I have a threshold on the amount of bullsht I can take from other people before I have to let them go. The more I learn about others and about myself through interaction with others, the less tolerance I have for nonsense.

I’m sick of other people trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty for or ignorant about a choice they made b/c they’re not happy w/my response to it. Oh well. Shoulda thought about that one before you made said choice.

But like I said, the more I learn about people, the more I learn about myself. One thing I’ve realized, but am slowly coming to grips with, is that ppl are who they are and they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do regardless of what anyone else may think or feel about it. And you know what? Everyone has that right. However, when that sht infringes on me and you start fcking w/my sht, that’s when we have a problem. And I don’t have to put up with it.

I’m done w/relationships/friendships that require absolutely too much work. How can you build any trust when the other person is not willing to open up...at all??? Believe me, I understand self-preservation, defense mechanisms and all that sht. I do/use those tactics myself b/c no one wants to get hurt. But, the bottom line is that we are all going to be hurt at some point in time by someone. It’s LIFE, and it happens. And as much as we try to avoid it or head it off at the pass, somehow it will still find it’s way to us. I don’t like it when ppl want to know all of my sht, but aren’t willing to be open w/me. Maybe that person is using those tactics...or maybe I just can’t trust yo azz...

And what exactly is being as azhole going to accomplish?

Good Ol' G DubbYah

October 5, 2005

All the President's Women
By MAUREEN DOWD

I hope President Bush doesn't have any more office wives tucked away in the White House.

There are only so many supremely powerful jobs to give to women who are not qualified to get them.

The West Wing is a parallel universe to TV's Wisteria Lane: instead of self-indulgent desperate housewives wary of sexy nannies, there are self-sacrificing, buttoned-up nannies serving as adoring work wives, catering to W.'s every political, legal and ego-affirming need.

Maybe it's because his mom was not adoring enough, but more tart and prickly, even telling her son, the president, not to put his feet up on her coffee table. Or maybe it's because, as his wife says, his kinship with his mom gives him a desire to be around strong, "very natural" women. But W. loves being surrounded by tough women who steadfastly devote their entire lives to doting on him, like the vestal virgins guarding the sacred fire, serving as custodians for his values and watchdogs for his reputation.

First he elevated Condi Rice to secretary of state, even though she had bungled her job as national security adviser, failing to bring a sense of urgency to warnings about terrorism aimed at America before 9/11, and acting more as an enabler than honest broker in the push to invade Iraq.

But what were these limitations, considering the time the workaholic bachelorette logged at W.'s side in Crawford and Camp David, coaching him on foreign affairs, talking sports with him, exercising with him, making him feel like the most thoughtful, farsighted he-man in the world?

Then he elevated his longtime aide, speechwriter, memoir ghostwriter and cheerleader Karen Hughes to undersecretary of state for public diplomacy, even though it is exceedingly hard for the 6-foot Texan to try and spin a billion Muslims whom she doesn't understand the first thing about.

But who cares about her lack of expertise in such a critical job, as long as the workaholic loyalist continues to make her old boss feel like the most thoughtful, farsighted he-man in the world?

And now he has nominated his White House counsel and former personal lawyer, Harriet Miers, to a crucial swing spot on the Supreme Court. The stolid Texan, called "Harry" by some old friends, is a bachelorette who was known for working long hours, sometimes 16-hour days, and was a frequent guest at Camp David and the Crawford ranch, where she helped W. clear brush.

Like Ms. Hughes and Laura Bush, she's a graduate of Southern Methodist, and she has always been there for W. In 1998, during his re-election race for governor, Harry handled the first questions about whether Mr. Bush had received favorable treatment to get into the Texas Air National Guard to avoid the draft. Though the former Democrat once gave a grand to Al Gore in '88, she passed the loyalty test for W. during the Bush v. Gore standoff in 2000, when she recruited conservative lawyers to work for the Bush scion in Tallahassee.
But who cares whether she has no judicial experience, and that no one knows what she believes or how she would rule from a bench she's never been behind, as long as the reason her views are so mysterious is that she's subordinated them to W.'s, making him feel like the most thoughtful, farsighted he-man in the world?
David Frum, the former White House speechwriter and conservative commentator, reported on his blog that Ms. Miers once told him that W. was the most brilliant man she knew.

Bushie and Harriet share the same born-again Christian faith, which they came to in midlife, deciding to adopt Jesus Christ as their saviors. The Washington Post reported that she tithes to the Valley View Christian Church in Dallas, "where antiabortion literature is sometimes distributed and tapes from the conservative group Focus on the Family are sometimes screened," and where, when she returns, Ms. Miers asks well-wishers to pray for her and the president.

Born Catholic, she switched to evangelical Christianity in her mid-30's and began to identify more with the Republicans than the Democrats, The Times reports today; she joined the missions committee of her church, which opposed legalized abortion, and one former political associate said that Ms. Miers told her she had been in favor of a woman's right to have an abortion when she was younger, but that her views hardened against abortion once she became born again.

W. is asking for a triple leap of faith. He has faith in Ms. Miers as his lawyer and as a woman who shares his faith. And we're expected to have faith in his faith and her faith, and her opinions that derive from her faith that could change the balance of the court and affect women's rights for the next generation.

That's a little bit too much faith, isn't it?

Relishing This Indian Summer

Sometimes I think about what could have been when the load I carry seems a bit heavier than before. Very often I wish that I could share the burden of expenses (this is no cheap place to live) so my life could be just that [ ] much easier and not as overwhelming. I could have been married by now. One of my ex’s had talked about getting married even though he was in NC in the armed forces and I had just moved to the city. He would’ve been able to get a living stipend to cover some of my rent. I know, it’s like, what the hell is wrong w/you that you so willingly walked away from that. My answer: Even though I cared about him a lot, he got on my nerves and I fell out of “love”. “Love” as in the idealized version of love. In addition to just being young and selfish, I constantly tried to mold him into what I wanted him to be rather than simply accepting him as he was. In truth, he’s better off w/someone who can do that; I’m better off living that lesson. Hopefully I will have the good sense to put it into practice, not just for a man, but for everyone. People are who they are, and if they change it should be b/c they want to, not b/c you want them to. It’s usually only when I feel burdened by everything that I think this way...allow myself to imagine idealized and romanticized scenarios of what a better life would be. There are things that I want to change, but am not sure how to and other things that I’m afraid to change. At times I think I’ve been sitting still too long...

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This is ENJOY AUTUMN week for me. The plan was to do something in the city every night this week, and hope that I live to tell the tale, lol. Well, I went out last night to Bogart’s, and had a great time. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it turned out okay. Dancing is my thing, so as long as I get to do that, I’m good. And dance I did, LOL. I wore one of the brothas out and got myself a healthy dose of exercise. :) (I don’t exercise, and that is another story by itself...) I hadn’t planned to have too much fun, but somehow it crept up on me, lol. Thanks, girlie for such a good time.

Tonight is for rest, recovery and maintenance. I’d only slept for a few hours last night, but managed to make it through today. And I am still surprised that I’ve held up as well as I have w/out the aid of any stimulants. I kid you not! I haven’t had any caffeine today, and I’ve stayed awake all day. There was a moment that I almost folded, but a few ppl came by to speak w/me, and that helped. I’m not completely crazy, and I’m not in my 20s anymore so I am consigned to acknowledge my limitations. Tomorrow w/b something mellow and relaxed, most likely cultural and Thursday is a concert. So far, things are looking really good...

Exhausted!

The weekend was good, but was sooo tiring! I am still pooped; almost didn’t make it in this morning, but somehow, I pushed through the exhaustion. My plan last week was to be a “daredevil” this week and go to as much stuff in the city as possible. Crazy, I know. My defense is that I was high off optimism and good feelings, and I thought that I could do it. Mmmm...but I haven’t quite given up yet.

We will see what happens. *wink*